Crash And Burn

Chapter two

     My cold frail arm lifted up and pressed the buzzer of Riley's apartment. I watched it move but I didn't feel it. It just felt like puppet arms. "Hey, it's Maya." My voice spoke. A buzz emitted from the box signalling me that the doors were unlocked.
     Entering the lobby of the apartment I was met with an overwhelming sensation that something was going to go wrong--of course everywhere I went lately gave me that feeling. Shaking it off and praying to, well whoever was out there, that today was gonna be easy, and worth actually getting out of bed this morning.
     I moved to walk past the dreary intimidating metal elevator when it opened and walked out three people--a happy family, a little blonde girl maybe about five years old, walking with her mom and dad, all smiling and laughing. The sight made my stomach do a flip out of longing. I turned on my heels and marched into the metal box and pressed the number 11 as the automatic doors closed shut.
     Trapping me.
     The overwhelming feeling that something bad was going to happen creeped back up. Its claws running up my spine, causing a coat of goosebumps down my arms and neck, and digging into my shoulders, creeping their way around my neck.
     I looked at the fazy reflection in the elevators doors and suddenly memories I don't want to remember flood my brain. Him standing behind me, at first a gentle hand on my shoulder and waist but as I tried to shrug him away and ask him to leave me be--because he should understand that after the fight we just had I don't want him to touch me, let alone in this way.  Then his grip got tighter and I couldn't pull away and as I protested my body slammed into the steel bar that lined the back and sides of the elevator. His voice came out as a deep threatening growl. And claws of fear climbed up my spine coating my arms and neck with goosebumps. He spoke in words and phrases id heard a thousand times but never in this way and never in this setting. He pulled the emergency switch of the elevator and a loud croak stopped it in the middle of fourteenth and fifteenth floor and his lips were on me coating my body in drug soaked saliva and disgust.
     My pale shaking hand frantically clawed at the wall trying to find the big red emergency switch that stopped the elevator in between wheezing breaths. The loud croak sounded and a red light blinked and the memories kept flooding and his voice got louder in my ear and his hands, I could practically feel them on my throat pushing me up against the wall like he does all too often. Limiting my air supply. I hit my head and pulled at my hair. Sobbing and shaking and gasping for a single breath that I couldn't catch. The air was closing in, pressing the metal doors against my small frame, breaking my bones in the process. My hands scrambled inside my backpack looking for the baggie of red and blue pills I had put in my bag incase one of my 'episodes' occurred. The cold dead like fingers attached to my hands grasped around the bag and I blindly opened it up and shoved one or maybe two in my mouth and swallowed. Wrapping my arms around my body, knees curled up to my chest, rocking back and forth as I sobbed uncontrollably, gasping and chocking on air that wasn't there, begging for it to stop, begging for everything to stop.
     Just begging for everything to stop.
     And it did.
     A calm slowly creeped in through my body and I could finally catch my breath. After a couple sobs and a few minutes to gain my composure I stood up on shaking legs. I looked into the reflection of the elevator and a saw a skinny girl in a tattered sweatshirt with frizzy blonde hair maskera dripping down her face, shaking hands and knees. A ghost in strangers clothing. Covered in the blood of all my mistakes.
"Breathe," I said through shaky voice. "Just breathe Maya."
I pushed the emergency button once again and with a loud groan the elevator started to move up the apartment building once again. I counted down from one hundred in a feable to distract myself as I wiped at my maskera and attempted to fix my hair.
"79,78,76,75,74,73,72,71,7-" I counted on until the ding if the elevator reaching the eleventh floor cut in. The automatic metal doors opened on command and on now composed legs I marched out and down the hall towards the Matthews. Standing in front of the oak door ready to walk on in I took a couple of deep breathes and smiled hoping no one would notice anything is wrong.
Deep breath, open door, and march in with that smile Maya.
"Hello losers." I sang in an fake ecstatic voice as I swung the door open. The Matthews were sitting at the kitchen table eating oatmeal and fruit as she walked in. Riley perked up as soon as I opened the door and scrambled up to come give me a hug. Riley and the Matthews had been gone touring Europe for about a month, causing Riley to miss the first two weeks of second semester, meaning most people would be behind in their classes, but being the perfect student that she is, she has been doing all her courses over the computer.
     "Maya!" She yelled as she brought me into a hug, her long skinny arms wrapping around me, her tall form looming over me since I chose not to wear my heeled boots today. The familiar sent of her strawberry shampoo absorbed me as I fell into her arms, allowing her to hold me and for me to find comfort in the familiarity and safety of my best friend. Pulling away she held me at arms length, a gentle grip on my shoulders. She furrowed her brows and took a look at me, moving my head side to side as if to get a better look. "You seem different."
     "Oh you're just imagining things kid," I replied with a chuckle, shooing her hands away and taking a step back. My body craving her touch for comfort once again. Every bone in my body urged me to step forward and to fall into her arms and cry out all the events that have been occurring while she has been gone, to feel the comfort and safety in her touch. But, instead I stayed at a distance, cement pouring down and sealing my boots to the oak flooring. Riley looked at me skeptically but seemed to let it go as she went to grab her jacket from her bedroom.
     "Hey Maya, have you ate?" Chimed in Topanga holding out a bowl of oatmeal for me. My stomach growled begging for a meal.
     "No thanks," I replied crossing my arms, "I had toast at home." Lies.
     "Sit." She ordered placing the bowl at my spot.
     "No, really," I assured. "I'm full." More lies.
     "Do you have anything packed for lunch?" She questioned motherly.
     "No," I replied, "but Erin is bringing me a lunch today." Not entirely a lie, he was bringing me something, just not food.
     "Okay," Exclaimed Riley as she bounded into the living room grabbing her backpack. "Let's get to school." She urged, excited to see Lucas. Although she would never admit it.
     After giving our goodbyes to Riley's parents we left the apartment and made our way down the hall towards the elevator. Riley pushed the steel glowing button to call the metal hell box down towards us. The spine tingling sensation creeped back up and my heart began to speed up. "On second thought let's take the stairs." I chimed, making my way toward the entrance to the stairwell.
     "For eleven floors." Riley retorted looking at me as if I were crazy.
     "Yeah! We need the exercise," I improvised, attempting to find an excuse. "Besides its fun to shake things up a little.
     With an odd look and then a groan Riley followed me into the stairwell and down the sets stone stairs. "Maya Hart, wanting to walk down eleven stories of stairs for exercise," she coed "things sure have changed while I've been gone."
     Silence creeped in for a few beats, the only thing audible was the echo of our boots against the cold stone as we dissented down the eleven stories.
     A warm heat made its way through my body as I thought about how much she has really missed. The heat quickly turned to green as my stomach felt sick thinking of all the things she had missed. A low guttural empty growl left my lips in the form of; "you have no idea, Riles."