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SEHWI LIKED her boys just like she liked her honey — sweet.
she didn't like to admit the fact that she had a crush on jeongguk, so when he offered to walk her home that sunday afternoon, she couldn't help but hope that the summer heat flushed her cheeks enough to hide her blushing.
she called herself selfish. she wasn't allowed to feel that way towards her best friend's boyfriend; it was unfair, but she couldn't stop the urge to. so she hid her face behind her hair in hopes of not making any eye contact with him. she didn't dare to, anyway — it reminded her too much of the afternoon before when those shrewd eyes of his caught hers.
but sehwi's smile was kept secret as they walked together on the middle of the street, the skates that were meant to be on her feet in his hand and instead replaced by an old pair of vans. jeongguk lent her his sk8-hi's after realizing she could get herself hurt again by skating home. he knew how clumsy she was.
despite not exactly knowing each other the two knew all of the little things. jeongguk learned new things about sehwi as he learned new things about jungha, and sehwi caught all of jeongguk's habits from the many times that she tagged along with the couple. as she started to catch the way that he tilted his head when he was unsure, or the way that he poked his tongue against the inside of his cheek when he was being smug, she began to hate those things. but she thought of how attractive he was when he did them.
in many ways more than one, he reminded her of her father. he loved listening to older music, loved the crunch of an old record player or a worn out radio. she would've thought that he knew all of her dad's favorites from how often they played throughout her house but in fact, they were his favorites too. once in a blue moon he would sing along to the tunes; his voice came like snow in southern california — so rare but so beautiful. but more often than not he would hum to himself, so much that she remembered the melodies without even knowing the titles.
"thanks, by the way," sehwi said to jeongguk, breaking the silence that was only overcast by the sounds of the birds and the wind.
jeongguk looked at her for a moment, then his eyes returned to his walking path before he grinned to himself. "for what?"
"i don't know." she shrugged. "for helping me, i guess? and walking me home."
he shook his head. "it's nothing."
sehwi grinned back at him, before she felt the heat rush back to her cheeks again, bowing her head. it was already silent between them for 5 minutes before she spoke, so she gathered her composure and realized that she had to change the subject to avoid the lone sounds of chirping again. "how's jeonghyun?"
"he's well," he nodded, "college is going good for him, i assume."
sehwi nodded as well, and she assumed that it would just go back to silence again before jeongguk quickly intercepted. "how's seha?"
"she's good too. she's visiting us this week."
it was natural for them to talk about their older siblings rather than themselves. much like jeongguk and sehwi, jeonghyun and seha were in the same class from the first year of middle school until they graduated, but unlike jeongguk and sehwi, they were nearly the best of friends.
sehwi resented the fact that she was having so much trouble with merely conversing with the boy; she was always comfortable with tagging along when him and jungha hung out, or with the times he would come over only because jungha did. but this time, jungha wasn't there. sehwi wasn't sure if the slightly uncomfortable feelings were mutual, but she could confirm that the two being alone together willingly without the excuse of his girlfriend was rare, and almost peculiar.
but then she realized, theres not much to say when they're alone.
sehwi watched as jeongguk nodded slowly with his lip jutted out in a little pout, sensing that he, too, felt the slight awkwardness that filled the space between them. "that's cool," he said quietly as if it was to himself. she nodded as well.
the clouds were painted on a canvas of rosy pink with hints of marigold, and the streets were of amber tinges; everything felt silky and light and it should have engulfed the two of them with such a peaceful feeling, but sehwi felt anything but. by then they could see her house from where they stood, and she thought that the closer that they went, the less that her heart would feel like it would jump out of her chest but she felt like a piece of her died within that 10 minute walk from his house to hers. like all of the oxygen in her lungs was sucked out of her and replaced with the fallen petals in her mother's garden.
after they reached the end of her driveway, sehwi couldn't feel that warmth that she almost grew accustomed to beside her. her body followed her head as she turned around to see him stood beside her mailbox. a soft smile gently spread across his lips, and he extended his arm, dangling the pair of roller-skates in his hand. "ah," sehwi quietly exclaimed out loud as she remembered, coming back to him and retrieving the very thing that caused the band-aids on her knees and the fluttering in her stomach.
as the skates were passed from his hands to hers, she looked up at him one last time. "thank you — again." jeongguk only stretched out his lips to form that same soft smile again, and sehwi quickly spun around to hide the heat erupting on her cheeks. she didn't look back as she stepped up to her door, but she could feel him still standing there with his gaze burned to the back of her head.
and when she came through the door and shut it behind her, she immediately dropped the roller-skates beside her and let out the biggest breath as if she had been holding it this whole time. she sat herself down and leaned her head against the door, and she didn't expect herself to get up anytime soon.
as the sun set on the border, so did jeongguk and sehwi.
when the sun is replaced by the moon, your body begins to drift off, whirl around until you fall into sleep — and that's exactly what sehwi did as night fell: whirled around her bedroom until she slumped onto her bed.
and she knew who she was dreaming of that night.
