So Extra

Chapter 1: Cluster F

"My life is a cluster f***" I murmured stoned face as I stood in the doorway of my parents bedroom, and couldn't stop staring at the sight of my father, the old fart, screwing one of the hot one hundred actors under twenty. If it was any one else, I probably would have walked away and ignored it, like I've done for most of my life. But this was Oren he was screwing. Oren, with his platinum blonde hair and dark brown eyes that made him smoldering hot on camera. But Oren was not just any young actor, hoping to score a few points by fooling around with a famous producer... He was my boyfriend! Yes, my father, the old hag that he was, was screwing none other than his seventeen year old daughter's newly eighteen boyfriend. If I was any more melodramatic than I was right then, I probably would have felt faint and fallen to the ground where only a mist of Evian would awake me.

"Parker!" Oren shouted as he pulled the covers over his finally toned and tanned body.

"What? Why? I can't even word with you right now!" I started to hyperventilate at the thought of what they must have been doing. It was one thing to find your father having an affair, and seeing him in the middle of the deed, it was a completely other thing to see him wiping his mouth and with the look of complete guilt on his face while the boy I loved's cheeks pinked and his body was covered in sweat. I wanted to vomit but instead I just sobbed. "You—"

Oren hung his head and took my father's hand. My dad, may have been married to a woman, but it was speculated over many years that he liked the "d". Because of his image as a heart throb actor he was divorced a few times, and finally seemed to settle down with my mother. Growing up I thought it was normal that my father had given me the sex talk with two GI Joe's that he bought just for that discussion. I thought it was normal that my parents slept in separate bedrooms and fought all the time over Raul the houseboy. It was the norm. But this, this was a complete betrayal! How dare he! And holding Oren's hand like it's his life line. It was flat out rude.

Oren was the first to speak, "Parker. I know this is hard for you... But we're in love. We're going to run away together."

"You've got to be kidding me! You're in high school... And that's my dad. Not to mention you're in the middle of filming a rom com with Selena. I can't believe it. I won't!"

"It's true Parker. We're in love. I'm sorry you had to find out like this," Dad held a hand to his mouth as though he was holding back his own sob.

I just glared at him. "You could have screwed anyone, the pool boy, the golf caddy, even mom's hair dresser Chaz, but instead you pick my boyfriend!"

"I seduced him," Oren said.

"But you're straight," I couldn't believe my eyes.

"Yeah..." He cringed. "About that..."

"We're filming an episode about homecoming this weekend." I thought of the beautiful Cinderella styled dress I had tailored just for the occasion.

"And I'll go with you," he said and I scoffed. "I mean, our flight to Paris doesn't take off for another week."

"Paris! You're taking him to France!" I pouted. "You haven't even taken me there since my twelfth birthday." Apart of me was starting to feel jealous of both men.

My life was falling apart. I couldn't even fathom what this would do to my image. The reality show that centered around my family's life was going to be in shambles. And the opinion of the perfect, young, and fabulous child star couple that everyone was impressed made it work would be ruined!

I couldn't let that happen. All thoughts of the boy I loved fornicating with my father went out of my head, and instead the image of me living on the street as a pauper begging for attention by performing in commercials was too much... "Can't we talk about this? I mean, can't you guys just stay in Los Angeles and put on a fake smile and act all normal... I mean isn't the thrill of a secret love affair awesome?"

They both looked at me with pity.

"Parker, I don't think you get how hard it is to hide our love. Sure, in America we'll always have to hide it, but in another part of the world..." Dad said.

"No, it really is okay. Just go on about your days and pretend to be my straight-ish dad and my perfect boyfriend. I'll just take a Xanax and everything will be fine. All of our careers won't be ruined and we could all live happily ever after."

"We're ready to come out of the closet... in Paris," Oren said.

"Dad?" I growled at him.

His eyes widened and he turned away from Oren. "It's time I stop hiding behind a woman."

I gasped. "Mom's ass isn't that big!"

"I mean, have you seen that thing?" Oren snorted and then he snapped. "Parker." I could totally tell who was the top in this situation.

I cringed at the knowledge. Tears streamed down my face as I became to ugly cry. "What am I going to do? My father is screwing my boyfriend behind my back. I'm going to be the laughing stock of the entertainment industry. Of the world!"

"Is that all you care about?" Oren asked.

"Yaas," I emphasized the a's unintentionally. "Who am I without you. What am I? Where am I? What is this place? Am I dead? Did I die and go to hell. I thought there'd be more flames... I didn't expect the only thing flaming would be my boyfriend and my father..."

"Here comes the existential crisis," Oren rolled his eyes and hopped out of bed as I fell to my knees.

Standing before me naked, he kneeled down beside me, "Listen, I know this is tough for you, but you'll get through this... I mean you're Parker Dryer, you tanked the Kardashian's ratings and have become the most envied and meme'd heiress on reality television. You have a line of clothing and a beverage at Starbucks named after you. You have a great body, great fashion sense, I mean, I didn't feel like I needed to tell you you look fat in those jeans once you always had a thigh gap... And you're hair is so shiny and golden... I mean, you're absolutely fabulous. You are the perfect stereotypical beauty and most of the time you have a brain. Right now it might seem like it melted from the heat your father and I are radiating, but you'll get through this. We've already prepared a getaway story, and no one has to know that we're going off together. You'll survive. You're a trooper."

"Just because I was a state trooper for Halloween doesn't mean anything. I'm just... You're... But—"

"But nothing," he said. "You're perfect and everyone will always think that."

"Then why not me, if I'm so perfect," I hiccuped.

"Though you are beautiful and charming, you just don't have the right parts... That's why I went for your dad. He had your looks but the right screwdriver."

"Ew...I... Will you still go to the homecoming shoot with me?"

"Of course," he said. "And then I'm outtie."

"Can we say you went to study abroad or something, like you're out of town and living in the lap of luxury..."

"That was the plan, sweetie."

I nodded. "Okay."

He hugged me softly and I felt my face heat since I could feel his anatomy pressing up against me.

"Ugh, Oren..."

He pulled away and made an oopsy face... "Sorry. It's just talking about running away to France got me hot. I mean, we're staying in a real life villa with servants and everything!" He sounded giddy.

That's my Oren, a the total gold digger my father deserved. But he could have been my golddigger.

Just as we stood apart and I wiped my eyes, the bedroom door flung open. My mother stood there with a camera man and a reporter. It had totally slipped my mind that she was doing an interview to expose her bedroom secrets to living up to a picture perfect marriage.

"And this is our bedroom, where we get up to no good—"

The reporter dropped her mic and her mouth hung open. Mom looked confused until she turned around to find us. Her face paled and her eyes widened. She looked like she was about to blow, but then realized she was still being filmed and her eyes flickered shut. She fell to the floor just as the reporter snarled at the camera man to get a close up of Oren's package.