Defekt

3: Going

     A heavy breath was drawn as the paper was folded quietly and left at Ambien's bedside. The wolf did not stir. Moonlitsilver glided away and to the door, wracking her mind the whole way there. So far, so good, a bag of provisions consisting of some chunks of bread and venison jerky, a skin to be filled with water once she reached the stream, and some spare coin tossed into the bag. It wasn't much, but enough to get extra things in an emergency. It helped to know most merchants would be okay with haggling the prices down for travelers... usually. Those thoughts sorted, the next order of business was to have some decent self defense, by which the lynxmaid meant self defense AND something to try killing some Deux soldiers. Nevermind the uneven odds there. Nevermind those. Now was not the time for discouraging kinds of logic. 

     The lynxmaid padded across the grass, the crisp autumn night air filling her nose pleasantly. Smell pleasant, yes, but now the thought crept across her mind that winter was near and maybe now was not the best time to be leaving on such an en-

    "Would you stop that?!" she hissed to herself and kept on, "I've got a raggy shawl thing in my bag and I can buy or make a damn coat if I need to," 

     It was past midnight when she finally reached the woods. Exhausted, she clambered into a tree and munched on a chunk of bread, trying hard not to think too much. Finishing it off, she tried to force herself to fall asleep, and she managed; however, it was fitful and less than refreshing and before she knew it singing birds and sunlight filtering through the yellowing leaves kept striking her eyes. Sighing, she was about to drop from the branch when crunching pawsteps and snippets of speech drifted to her ears. She froze and looked down toward the path, straining her eyes. A white tomcat strolled alongside a gray-furred wolfmaid who towered over him. She was giggling a lot and had a bounce in her step, the cat was visibly making an effort to retain his straight face. Moonlitsilver stared at him awhile, feeling a bit disappointed as his fluffy white tail disappeared down the road. 

   "Damn, I'd almost say he's a doll...bet anyone would kill for a mate who was handsome like that," 

She almost hoped to follow them down the road, but held off. How could one know who they were working for? They didn't look like normal peasants.. they didn't really look like much of any sort she'd seen around. Moonlitsilver concluded they might be travelers, and even so it was possible they were locals, it wasn't as if she got out much or paid much mind to random folks.

     Moonlitsilver waited a moment, then pulled her boots off, stuffed them in her bag, and dropped down onto the leaf litter and pine needles that blanketed the forest floor. The ground, damp with dew, squished pleasantly underpaw and she relished the feel of the dirt and the sounds and smells around her. She was mostly at ease until she began wandering down the path, and there her heart thudded and her head threatened to whirl. It was so exciting to be on an adventure, here was a great chance to achieve all those dreams she had been building since kittenhood. On the other hand, she was abandoning her house, her family... Yet, it was an abusive household she had left behind, and that thought was reassuring, but didn't her mother have her reasons for being the way she was? She shook her head, it didn't change that her irrational behavior was wrong, no matter what trauma she endured. What of her grandmother? Did she even say goodbye? She almost screamed with frustration and disgust that she had forgotten her own grandmother, the only family member aside from Ambien she felt any true, loving connection to. She knew she probably would have killed the old lynxqueen by telling her the real truth, but once she wasn't stopping by for a few days old Nadine would likely fret and fuss just as much, if not more. She sighed, twirling her hair with one hand while she trotted down the road, eyes wandering. The little lynxmaid probably looked as positively lost as she felt, but trying to appear purposeful and strong was the last thing crossing through her now smarting head.

     "I might be scaring grandmother to death... and what if I do die? What if I get locked up in the dungeons for the rest of my life? What will that be like? What do they even do to prisoners? Knowing Shoa and his drive for power, it's probably awful... just awful... what if grandmother dies while I'm gone? What if I never see her again?" 

   Choking fear began rising through her chest and into her throat at the prospect. Nadine had nearly raised her, had always shown her unconditional love. Nadine cared for her so much, and in turn, Moonlitsilver comforted her by being the spitting image of Kleng Karle. 

    "What the hell am I doing?!" the cry issued from her muzzle. She put herself off the road and back into the little wood and ran deep into it. At least she kept her head enough to know a panicking, tiny girl probably looked like easy prey, or at least suspicious and odd. She crouched down next to a tree, holding her head and rocking back and forth on the balls of her back paws, muttering over and over, "What the hell am I doing? What the hell am I doing?" Soon enough, the sensation that her lungs were about to quit on her came and her head was struck through with agony. Her throat hurt, her mouth was dry, and all she could do is sit and gasp for air and feel like she was drowning. 

     Moonllitsilver had no idea how long she had been crouched there. She had vomited numerous times, the tree she was near had a decent chunk of bark clawed from it, and she felt even more tired than before. Reluctantly, she stood, absolutely baffled at what had happened. She had little recollection of anything other than the sensation of choking and drowning all in one. She pushed it out of her mind. It had happened before, every time it was scary, every time she thought she was dying, but she reminded herself that she did not die this time, she was alive, she could keep walking.

  "What the hell am I doing?" She asked herself aloud as she marched back to the road, "I'm doing a deed for my country," she replied to herself pompously, "I'm going to make friends and overthrow the..." she quieted down, realizing her voice, and began barking proudly in her head, "I'm gonna overthrow the Keiser and I'm going to become the Keiserinne! I'm going to make this country be happy again, and hopefully love me, too. What if I get a statue in my honor? Moonlitsilver Winterbane, hero to all, not as tiny as fragile as she looks! HAH! I can get rid of all those stupid criminals and put them to the axe! No more suffering, peace and bread for everybody!!" 

     Without thinking, she leapt into the air and clapped her heels together with a triumphant whoop, which translated in her head as, "I'm gonna be the hero!!" Her paws hit the ground with confidence in every step as she approached a little village. Dreams of grandeur in her mind and sparkles in her eyes, she decided she'd be getting at least one supporter in town and also a great new weapon.