valia; Ek DARD aur EK ASOO

meeting the love of her pathetic life

varun walks in. three whales sing. an orchestra plays a song. a slutty girl hangs off his arm. his best friend stalks him with an equally slutty chick who is slightly uglier than the one trying to kiss varun's fake stubble (he put eyeshadow on his cheeks to look more mature).

beside him, sid yawns. "BEND DOWN U FUCKING WHORE UR MAKING ME LOOK SHORT!!!!!" varun screams at the top of his tiny lungs.

"oops," sid says. he proceeds to drop onto his knees. "Will u marry me alia??"

"Wait. What the fuck?" Varun asks, raising his manly on fleek eyebrow. "U can't date the girl i've been abusive to since day one!!!!! UR JUST A SIDE CHARACTER GOD YOU DIDNT EVEN MAKE IT TO THE SYNOPSIS!!!"

Alia gushes. "OF COURSE NOT U FUCK FACE I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR VARUN."

"Of course you do! You can only see that high up," Anushka sharma shades. However everyone is too dumb to understand a goddess so yah.

"Wah wah!!!" ranveer says, 😍ing anushka as he crosses the street. He blows her a kiss. She stomps her foot and cries. And then, a car, a bright orange car with a tagline on the side saying "TAKE THE FUCKEN TRASH OUT", crashes into ranveer.

"Oho!!!!" everyone out cries.

time comes to an end. Ranveer looks at anushka like 😣 and anushka is like 😐☺. alia is shocked. shahshook drops a thalidomide but is secretly glad bc this means he can tap the beauty of deepika's booty. it may not be a Sheila ki Jeevani but it is Dhak dhak worthy.

Sid pushes the unknown slut off his arm and runs to runveer who probably can't run anymore. "BHAIYAAAA," he cries. "First, alia rejects me and now ur dead???"

"I'm . . . I'm not ur brother. bitch have you seen yourself??? OF COURSE YOURE ADOPTED," ranveer weakly says, patting sid's cheek. He wipes the tear off sid. "Tell anushka i've always wanted to tap her."

And then. His eyes close. Anushka yawns, tapping away on her phone. Party @ my place. alcohol provided by me. Finally ranveer is freaking dead. tried to like murder him twice when he walked into my house with a thali and pretended to have married me, and the other when he changed his last name to sharma so he could cheat off me on exams. thank the lords. not religious so I can't do Pooja but I CAN SURE PARTYYYY 🙂🙂🙂

"Sid!!!" Alia says, running to touch sid's arm. However she can't reach his arm, so she compromises to touching his thigh. "I'm so sorry! I'll marry u now!!!!"

"what . . . " varun trails off, heartbroken. "Oho now I have to get drunk at anushka's party . . . . . Stay tuned."

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SMASH THAT VOTE BUTTON IF THIS MADE U CRY!!!!!!!!

shoutout to varundhawans 4 existing

*pls read my book I beg u*