Pregnant with his baby (Completed)

Marriage

Chapter 15

Previously...

"Shh Clover let me talk. I love you and I've loved you since I first saw you. I was so happy when I found out you were pregnant with my kid and we've been through a lot as friends and a 'couple'."

Here it comes...

"What I'm trying to say is Clover Kelly Johnson will you marry me?"

Present...

"What?!"

Did Randal just ask me to marry him? Maybe he was joking... or I heard him wrong.

"I asked you to marry me."

I nervously giggled as I tried to find the right words. "Randal what the fuck?"

Okay maybe that wasn't the right thing to say when someone was trying to propose to you, but come on I didn't even know we were a real couple. I love Randal, but I'm not sure he's the ONE. When I got pregnant with his baby I wasn't thinking. I'm not saying this baby is a mistake, but for the past week or so I'm beginning to think Randal and I were a mistake.

All these feelings mixed with the pregnancy hormones was way too much. Why did he have to spring this on me now. It's my fault I should have seen the signs, like for example about a week ago I woke up from my nap and saw him measuring my ring finger. That totally creeped me out and I of course asked for an explanation, but got none.

Another obvious sign was when he kept talking about the future. I'm not talking about what we're going to do when the baby comes future, but when will we get married and have more kids kind of future, I though he was joking, but I guess he was serious... He wanted to know if I though we were going to be together in five years and I just simply answered "Duh we are having a kid together." I honestly didn't know he meant like that.

But of course I was oblivious and didn't know he would propose. Ugh, who does that. I know it's really sweet, but you can just spring this onto your pregnant friend. For fuck sakes we're too young. I see the irony in this whole thing, but just because you got me pregnant doesn't mean you can pop the question or have to.

"Kelly can you please say something?"

I could hear the desperation in his voice as he pleaded for me to answer him.

If I said yes, I'd be in a loveless marriage, but at least this kid would have both his parents together and that's pretty important. I would do anything for my kid especially marry Randal if that meant it would have a normal enough life. And I've heard about people falling in love after being married for awhile.

If I said no then that would ruin EVERYTHING! He'd hate me and how could I raise a kid with someone who hated me. I'd break up the family, I'd mess up the kid even more. I don't love Randal and I may start to hate him for marrying me, I know that sound ridiculous, but hear me out. Say I marry Randal and I never figure out how to love him, I'm going to start resenting seeing him everyday and I'm going hate myself and him for getting married.

What if he only did this because I'm having his baby. Randal wouldn't seem like that type of guy, but maybe his parents forced him to or maybe he's doing it so I don't look like a whore. It also could be he's marrying me because he has no other option. What I mean is most girls wouldn't date a guy who had a kid with someone one (I know I wouldn't if I hadn't gotten pregnant). It would just be weird and you'd always know his kid's mom and him have a special connection. You wouldn't be this first priority, his kid would. He couldn't go out to party sometimes; basically he'd have too much baggage.

I want to do what's best for this kid, but how am I suppose to know when it's not even born and I have no one to talk to. My real mom has left me to fend for myself and I have no idea where my real dad is and my adopted mom and dad are dead. This still could turn out to be one screwed up dream or lesson, because it's way too crazy to be real. Just a second ago I was living a carefree life where I worried about only me, now I'm contemplating whether to marry a guy I don't love for my baby or listen to my heart and do that's best for me and say no.

Me... It can't be all about me anymore. When I wasn't pregnant I could be selfish, but now I have a kid on the way and my priorities can't be about me anymore. Parenthood comes with some though decision and I thought and wished with all my heart I didn't have to make it so soon, but the time has come and I'm faced with a tough decision, but u have to suck it up and do what's best for my- our baby.

After all is said and done, when I know he's not the one and I don't want to marry him. I blurted out a rushed unenthusiastic yes, before I even realized what I was doing. My mouth had just disobeyed my heart and brain and it just made me do something I'd regret forever...