The Boy and the Animal

Part I | Fifteen

When I woke the next morning, that anxious feeling slid its way through my consciousness again. I swallowed. Something didn't feel right as I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. My tired, heavy hand reached for the boy snuggling my side to find his still fast asleep; nothing in the room looked out of place, either.

I wasn't sure what it was, but my gut never failed me before. Regardless, there was no use in hiding from it in bed. I stood and opened the doors of the wardrobe placed against the wall, withdrawing one of my four similar outfits.

I dressed myself, focusing on the activity to distract myself from the shaky heart in my chest, and sat beside Jesiter to wake him with a kiss to his nose. His eyes fluttered open- yet it was his smile that greeted me first.

There was never an issue with waking him up, I had found, as he always greeted the world with an excitement for the new day and the new duties he had. That wasn't what was wrong with my as my own smile wavered and I looked down at his face. Such a strange sensation overcame me, like I was living in the future looking into the past to see that this would be the last time I would wake him like this.

Shaking that thought from my head, I helped him dress into his work clothes. We headed downstairs together to the bar and began our work as usual. I helped Dark in the kitchen, while the 'foreign flower of the city' tended to the tables, dishes, and stocking food. I almost forgot about the feeling in the mundanity of our work. Almost.

As if punishing me for ignoring it, my mind began to leak into my body. I suddenly felt the palpitations and nausea that I had had in my mercenary days, and the memories of those feelings brought back images I cared not to see. After some time, I could bear it no longer and had to take a break.

"Okay?" Jesiter asked, holding my hand as he sat beside me at a table.

I nodded and gave a weak smile, but it was just an act. I really didn't feel okay at all. My body felt as thought it was melting and freezing at the same time- not even to dwell on the sickness coursing through it. When I tried to lay my head down to gather myself, the slight doze I fell under only made the images and trembling illness worse.

Try as I had, I couldn't ignore it. The last time I had ever felt anything like that to such intensity was the day I received the scar on my chest; it was the day I came a breath away from death. At that, the thoughts of what Jesiter had done to herself and me flooded passed the dam I had built, and I sat paralyzed in agony.

"Brother, are you alright?" Dark whispered to me, his hand on my shoulder. I could hardly nod through my gritting teeth and head buried in my hands. What was happening to me? "Jes, can you get me a wet rag?" The boy nodded and scampered off to find what he needed to help me. Somehow I knew just putting cool water on me wasn't going to help.

Suddenly, everything stopped. I burst up from the agony to find myself in an uncanny stillness, and, when I looked up, I found my eyes drawn to Tobis, who stood at the bottom of the steps and examined the inn with his arms crossed. When he saw me, he grinned and waved, marching his way over.

I don't why, but when he sat across from me his mere presence sent an ice cold chill through my spine. Not one since I had met him did I ever not want to see him. It was strange. The man who I'd grown to see as my godfather... Scared me.

"Ah, good morning, Cyrus. Sleep well?" Tobis asked.

"Yeah, pretty decent," I replied, pushing the shiver out of my voice. "You?"

"About as well as one can in my position," he admitted. Somehow, I got the feeling he wasn't talking about researching. "Anyway, I've sent the guards on a little errand. Why don't we talk a while?"

"A-Alright," I agreed. "How've you been the last thre-"

"Have you thought about my daughter lately?" He cut me off. At this, both my brother and I flinched, and Dark took it as his queue to leave. The last thing I wanted in that gaping silence was to be alone with him, yet I had no choice but to face him.

I looked down at my hands. What was with him? When she passed, he seemed to let it bounce off of him. I never once had heard him speak about her since, even at her funeral, but suddenly at her mention the usually warm man was so icy. Of course, I didn't think that even a calculative taciturn would be unfazed by... what happened... But surely this was out of place.

"Everyday," I finally managed out. My eyes could not rise to meet his, though. "Look, I know we haven't really... Talked about it, but I want you to know how sorry I am."

"And rightfully so," he replied shortly.

I raised a brow at him. For the first time since I'd met him three years ago, I looked passed those enormous spectacles and saw his eyes; they stared back at me with a quiet fire, like the flames of a burning city in the distance, and suddenly I wondered if that was how he had always looked at me. Suddenly, this man was very much alien to me.

"What do you mean?" I questioned him, leaning forward just slightly so that my low hush would reach him and no one else. "What are you saying, Pops?"

"Nothing, my dear boy," he chirped, patting me on the back. It was cold. "Just that you were her bladebrother. I thought that kind of thing meant you looked out for each other."

"W- Pops, no, you... You don't understand," I began to explain, chest aching. "What happened that day was just something I couldn't stop."

"No, no," he chuckled, "I don't in the slightest blame you for my daughter's death. I'm sure you did the best you could... By letting her kill herself."

At that, I burst up from the table with my balled fists on the table, the screech of the chair I sat on storming through the room. My face was flushed with confusion and anger, my body trembling in it. What was with this all of a sudden?! He didn't know anything about what happened!

"I tried to stop her!" I retorted. "Tobis, I risked my life trying to stop her!" I ripped open my tunic, where the scar she had given me that day remained as an eternal reminder. "She stabbed me first; that's why I couldn't get to her! That's why I couldn't save her!" Tears pooled in my eyes, but, for Pops and the rest of the people inside, I didn't dare let them fall. "I love her!"

As I stood there, panting, Tobis simply sat there smiling at me with those burning eyes. It was as if all this was funny to him, and yet, at the same time, I had the feeling in the scar on my chest that I was in a battle that I couldn't escape from.

"Oh, you loved her..." Tobis finally spoke up. My brows narrowed in exhaustion. "Then why did you name a monster after her?"

I froze.