Thoughts on You. |Andley|

010. oh god, i wish you'd speak to me

23 August, Columbus Ohio, 2017

It's cold where they keep me, an admirable feat considering it's the middle of summer. Everything is so clean and pristine, yet the rooms reek of chlorine, a smell you can't escape no matter how hard you try... It follows you wherever you go, outside being out of the question altogether. They dressed me in gray clothes that loosely hang off my body, they cut off my hair and shaved my face. Women dressed in white, nurses I assume, drew my blood, a few tubes of it. They run numerous tests on me; my vision, my blood pressure, my physical fitness. The sight of them, irritates me, nut they're not half bad. They can have a field day assessing my body, I don't care.

It's him, with his stupid black hair and white robe, who I truly dread. Dr Armstrong, that's what he calls himself. He summons me to his desk once a day, it's a large room with massive libraries, filled to the brim with books of all shapes and sizes. He offers me a deeply reclining armchair while he sits behind his ebony desk. Everyday I refuse to take it and yet every day he offers anew. I take the chair furthest from his desk instead, struggling to avoid from his intrusive gaze. He's never put off, nonetheless. He goes on with his endless inquiries about me, what beliefs do I hold, what my hobbies are, what does my social life look like, you name it... The first day I tried to snap at him, put him back in his place, but he remained painfully serene. The following day I remained silent, he didn't seem to budge. He told me about himself instead, of his two sons and wife, whom he really loves apparently. I couldn't care less, I said finally before I was taken away. I answered him today, after days of keeping all my thoughts to myself seeing as nobody else will speak to me. His doing, I bet! It didn't take long for me to regret my decision. He openly mocked me! Speaking to me as if I were a child, asking me to repeat myself over and over and looking more puzzled every time I did so. I doubt he was even trying to conceal it. For some reason, he told me that I could ask for whatever I'd needed before he dismissed me and here I am, a new notebook at hand.

Don't worry, I haven't uttered a single word about you, not yet at least. I don't know how much longer that'sgonna be the case, however. They're planning on driving me insane and they're doing a good job of it too! I've made a promise not to drag you into this for as long as I can prevent it, but don't expect me to go out of my way to keep it either! Don't flatter yourself, thinking that I'm doing it out of concern or affection, it's purely self preservation that drove me to that course of action. You're the only one that can get me out of this mess and I need you to do so. Fuck, Ashley! This is not the time for your prideful, courteous ideals of self-sufficiency. Those are moronic excuses and I see right through them. The fact of the matter is that I would still be competent and self-sufficient as ever if you hadn't insisted upon inflicting yourself on my life in the first place!

You messed me up for no good reason and now you've vanished into thin air! Why haven't you returned any of my letters? Have you even bothered to read them? What's going on? You're afraid you won't be able to get rid of me afterwards? Don't stress yourself, I'm more than done with you. In fact, I'd like nothing more than punching you in the face, but I'm willing to settle. Just get me out, dammit, do the honorable thing for once!

You should know damn well who it is by now. 

A/N Strong hints in this one if I do say so myself...