Prologue
This chapter is for anyone who is reading this book for an English assignment and thought ‘this is really short! I’ll read this one”. Here’s a character analysis of the main character (which is myself). I’m average height, my hair is short, brown, and I’m growing it out, my eyes are blue, but occasionally turn gray, greenish, I have braces with full lips, freckles, I’m Caucasian or white, I’m an American, I have two piercings on each side of my ears, and I’m average weight. I have three dogs; a Chihuahua, golden retriever or lab, and a golden doodle. I also have a mom and a dad who are happily married and an older brother named Alec. I’m a freshman in high school (some of these stories are from my eight grade year) and we are currently in fourth quarter, so this probably won’t be done till sophomore year with my kind of procrastination. I’m also in Theater, track team, and in Anime club. Almost forgot my name is Madison, birthday June, 14 years old and this isn’t a diary because I’m only writing the funny things that happened to me or conversations I’ve had, so think of it as a funny biography. I have friends, yes, I’m not a loner. I’m not going to tell you were I live in case you decide to stalk me, because I’m a real person.
BB gun
[Disclaimer, no squirrels were killed so don’t call animal control on me]
My brother and I were shooting one of our BB guns on the deck and we saw a squirrel eating out of one of our bird feeders. Then I see this evil smirk come across Alec’s face… he loads the BB gun, aims it at the squirrel and fire it. The squirrel ran down the tree and into the woods behind our house. So then we started shooting our BB guns at the squirrels, our parents came out and saw us shooting the squirrels and joined in. Now whenever we see a squirrel eating out of our bird feeders, we shoot them with our BB guns.
Principle
I was in eighth grade and it was toward the end of the year and my friend needed a tampon and asked if I had one. I didn’t have one, but being the good friend I am I walked up to the Principal’s Office and he asked, “What do you need Madison?” I replied “Umm… I…um…need a…tampon” my face was bright red and I was really embarrassed and he replied “Sure, you can have one any time” I took one and left his office. In my way back to my friend, I tried my hardest to give it to her discretely without anyone asking questions, knowing the guys in our class would make immature remarks about it. Finally I gave it to her and no one noticed… Thank God.
High School Exam
I was taking my test to get into high school and I was half way through the Exam when I decided I should ask (just to make sure) if we weren’t supposed to fill in the bubbles. Good thing I’m Special ED or I would have failed reading and math. So I go up to the teacher in the room and say “um…were we supposed to fill in the bubbles” the teacher in the room looked confused and said “Yes…why?” I replied “I…did…didn’t fill in the bubbles” the teacher looked very surprised! Then I said “But I circled the answers on the question sheet” she then looked at me like I was super special and said to filled in the bubbles from now on and that she would fill it in for me. I walked out and told my brother and Dad in the car and they started cracking up… After minutes laughing my dad said “I’m not surprised”.
Kitchen Disaster
One day I decided to make pancakes and apparently pam non-stick cooking spray goes in the pan. So, the oven was of course turned all the way up and I sprayed the liquid all over the oven and a big black smoke appeared and the fire alarm went off. From that day on banned from using the oven.
Spandex
So, my friend and I went to this zombie event at a park, basically its freeze tag only the freezers are dressed up like zombies and we have to collect glow sticks and the person with the most glow sticks wins. Some people get really into these events and dress in crazy outfits and there was group of guys that were dressed up in spandex and one of the dudes in spandex ran up to us and tagged my friend! The worst part is that he was about to tag me. All I thought at the moment is ‘there’s this weird guy in spandex trying to touch me’ so me being normal person I am… I ran as fast as I could! But the crazy dude was still chasing me! I would have gotten away if it wasn’t for the wet grass from the previously rain from that day. I slipped and skinned my knee on the concrete… he saw how I fell and the only thing the guy said was; “Tag! Sorry…” and walks away leaving me with a bloody knee! Luckily for me, my friend was there to help me.
Karate Kid
My friend Mena does Kung Fu, like the Kung Fu from the movie “Kung Fu Panda”. So one day I got bored and decided to bug the crap out of Mena. Knowing she hates it whenever someone mistakes Karate for Kung Fu I started calling her Karate kid. Then I photo shopped her head on the Karate Kid (from the Karate kid movie) and started emailing her the pictures all day long. She was so mad at me mad! And I was entertained!
Taking Candy from a Stranger
It was after school and my friends and I were on our way to a Rocket football game. On the bus we decided to paint our faces with the colors of our high school. We have enough time and we thought it would dry fast. However, it didn’t dry fast... So, this was the scenario; we squeezed into two sit place (I ended up sitting on one of my friends lap) and we got paint all over the seats because it didn’t dry as fast as we would have liked...
Finally we got to the football game! There was this old, creepy, lady near us and asked if we wanted candy. Both my friends said no. However, when she asked me… and my response was of course, “YES!!!” so I ended up eating the candy from the old, creepy, lady. Thankfully, it wasn’t drug. After the game we had to squeeze into the small seat again so I ended up lying across them, my head being in the middle of the isle…
Pretzel Church
Last year I also attended a Catholic school. Therefore, once a month the entire school attends Church an hour before lunch. Since it was right before lunch I was starving. I tried to be sneaky, and silently started eating the pretzels that were in my pocket. I thought nobody saw me eating … but I guess I was wrong. A teacher came up to me, took my pretzels away and sent me to confession…
Perfume
After school, Megan and I went to the mall. We started walking around until we came across Bath and Body Works. When we decided to go inside there was perfume everywhere! I started spraying myself with every scent there was. And then… I sprayed Megan who got slightly annoyed by it. The next day, at school I went up to people and made them smell my shirt. I definitely smelled good but everyone thought I was weird.
Mom in the Closet
I came home from school to see my room open, and walked in remembering I shut it before I left. Then I heard a strange noise from inside my closet. I tried to open it and then I realized someone was in my closet, so I ran into Alec’s room grabbed his BB gun. I opened the closet door, pointed it at the person, and then realized it was my mom stealing a pair of shoes. “I thought you were an intruder!”
“If you thought I was an intruder then why don’t you tell your brother who’s downstairs?” My mom told me that an unloaded BB gun wasn’t going to save me and next time to get my brother.
Dance, Dance Revolution Jesus
I had to do a project in Christology. It was on the Gospel of Mark, the Gospel of movement. Therefore, I decided to Photoshop Jesus on a Dance, Dance Revolution machine. When presented the project, everyone started bursting out laughing! Except my Christology teacher, she wasn’t too happy about it… But I got a ‘B’ on the assignment.
Prank Calls
So I was at the Karate Kid’s/Editor’s/Mena’s house with Kathleen. And there was this guy named Daniel who was being a jerk to Kathleen. So, we decided to prank call the guy. Being the amazing actresses I am, I decided to act as his ex. This is what I said “Danny don’t you remember me baby” “Who is this?” he responded.
“Daniel I’m pregnant!” after I said that he hanged up and we busted out laughing.
Baseball Games
Mena and I went to a baseball game, our school was playing. Knowing this will sound bad and I will possibly have to go to confession next time I go to mass... We were looking at their cute butts and after the game one of the baseball players came up to us and asked if we liked the game… We kept quiet for a few seconds, and then he asked again. “Well did you like the game” “um...yeah…we liked the…’game’” I responded, and Mena laughed and the guy was just staring at us like if we were crazy.
