Bloom Again /James Potter/ ❁book 2❁

❁Chapter 5❁

Chapter 5

The great hall at dinner always seemed to be so busy. She had never noticed how busy it was until it felt like everyone was staring at her.

She was leaning against the wall near the door, not quite ready to eat or sit with James who was smiling, full on grinning because he was alright, and his worry was with her and she loved the sight of him happy.

And she loved the sight of her friends happy because they didn't need to be sad until they were around her. She made them sad, it broke her heart that their smiles left her faces when she arrived and it was silent and awkward and hard.

She felt like a burden - no, she was a burden and there was no denying it, she was a burden to them all and it was evident as she watched them laugh. Watched James' head tip back as a howl of laughter left his lips and he hadn't noticed her yet. She wondered what he was talking about with Sirius and Remus and Peter and even Violet who was smiling as she ate her food but wasn't laughing, just smiling.

She wanted to talk to Violet most of all...Remus too, actually all of her friends. She wanted the day to come when she could walk up to them and they wouldn't silence and the smile on Remus' face would stay for her instead of change to the pain she was used to seeing.

It was all her fault that they were sad around her because they could be like they were now as she watched them from a distance all the time, with the small smiles and the bright eyes and the laughter she couldn't quite hear but wished to.

"Friends?" she almost - almost, rolled her eyes at the sound of the familiar voice, "let me guess...it stops when you go over."

"Very correct," she mumbled, a heavy sigh and her shoulders heaving, "the one with the glasses...boyfriend."

"That must be tough," Beau tutted, patting her shoulder but quickly moved his hand when she flinched, and for the first time she saw the sorry in his eyes, and on his tongue, "I didn't mean that, fuck, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it." She was too talkative and he had picked up on it instantly. She wasn't glaring, she wasn't tying him to the wall or trying to get away from him. She was frozen to her spot and her eyes hadn't left the group of people, and she was talking - quietly, of course, but it was a conversation, "he never laughs like that when I'm around...I haven't seen him laugh like that in months."

"It's worry."

"I know." The words almost caught in her throat, and her eyes were fixated on him, on his smile and his laughter had died down and he frowned for a moment but not because she moved over but because he thought of her and how he wished she was with him but not sad, happy, and Bea, and safe and alright, and the fact that he couldn't give her that made him frown.

Not her.

"Do you love him?" Beau was quiet and he wasn't being his usual self as he leaned against the wall beside her, hands stuffed in his pockets and a frown on his lips, course he found Bea attractive but most people did, he wasn't frowning that she was taken, but at the fact that she was evidently sadder than usual.

Her sadness before was because of what she went through and it was more than evident that she was still trying to get over it, but her sadness as she looked at her friends was a clear indication of how she felt about herself.

"Yes." He could barely hear it and regardless of how much she didn't like him, or how he barely knew her, it was heartbreaking to hear, "he's scared to even touch me now, but he's always there. It'lljust - it hurts to see him this happy and I can't contribute. I'm...I'm scared in case he realises he'd be happier without me."