Bloom Again /James Potter/ ❁book 2❁

❁Chapter 10❁

Chapter 10

Streaks of pink, orange too, a dash of purple, and some blue.

The paint spread across the canvas mimicking the sky behind it, and Bea couldn't keep her eyes away. She could hardly sleep on her own, but she never wanted to be a bother to James, of course, she knew he wouldn't mind - but her nightmares were a constant wakeup call and she could deal with it, she had to deal with it.

But James didn't deserve to, he deserved to have his sleep for all he did for her. Well, that's what she thought anyway, and James hardly slept a wink knowing she was by herself, he wished she would just tell him the truth because he knew it himself. He knew she was scared and could hardly sleep and didn't sleep, but she never thought to elaborate, and he wished she did.

She thought she was alone. The sun had hardly risen but it was the perfect time to paint, when the dark reds had turned to a deep shade of pink and oranges streaked like clouds, and purples floated over the horizon. The sunrise was so beautiful, it was a masterpiece in itself that she could hardly recreate, and the canvas was a mess of colours with a half orange circle in the middle as the sun, and she thought it looked okay.

"It looks wonderful."

She squeaked out a gasp, eyes wide and clutching her heart. Her heart dropped into her stomach at the sight of the boy, ever so lanky and already dressed in one of his many sweaters for the day ahead. She could see the bags hanging under his eyes, his sandy brown hair that used to be one of their many resemblances messed up more than usual.

And she closed her eyes in sadness and guilt, it had been the full moon.

"You should be at the hospital wing," she whispered. They hardly spoke, and it was so painful to see him and for her not to smile because he was her best friend and she loved him so much and he could hardly look at her, this was the first time he had properly looked at her in so long.

"The nights have always seemed so off," he said, pointing to the sky out of the window and then taking a seat atop of one of the tables pushed to the side for her art supplies to fit, and she turned to give him her full attention regardless of the fact that he ignored her, "having the boys with me is great because it keeps my mind off of things but even as I change I still knew there was something off - there was something off for so long and I couldn't quite place it, I didn't know what it was and why it bothered me so much.

I thought of it for a long time coming back and even during summer when I still had the boys, and something was off and every time I thought of it I just got even more confused because I didn't know what it was that was making me think of this.

Then I realised just today when I woke up and I had fewer scars than I usually do and I wasn't in as much pain and Madam Pomfrey didn't have to heal me as much as usual because it was as though I was satisfied even as the monster I am-"

"Remus-"

"Let me finish," he said, "I was satisfied because I figured out what it was. It was this noise, this terrible fucking buzzing that was so constant and I heard it every single full moon and over the course of the months I hadn't heard it, it was gone.

And I wasn't relieved, I hated it - I wanted it back because I could see the boys, but I could hear the buzzing and it calmed me and I wondered where it went, I wondered for so long. Then I remembered which happy sister of mine used to buzz with excitement whenever she saw someone, whenever she was happy. Her eyes bright and she'd just let out a waterfall of words because she was buzzing with excitement and happiness.

Thing is, said sister isn't happy right now.

I hated that, I wanted to be able to make you better, I wanted to bring back the girl who had left us, but you haven't left us, Bea, you don't need to get better. Not hearing the buzzing is off, and seeing you so sad is off but it's life and we won't fall because it's not there, but we have continued on, me and the boys, we go out every night still even though the buzzing isn't there because even though it's odd, it doesn't stop us from doing what we need to.