Imagines

~UNFORTUNATE TEENAGE EVENTS~

(Trigger warning, suicide and shit, also yes, I'm fine. A conceited start, I know.)

It came as a shock to me when my friend killed herself in class today. In class? In class. It came as a shock to everyone. I wasn't able to comprehend the event that unfolded in front of my eyes for a while - I'm not sure how long I was faded out for. I was left in the dark about everything that bugged her, made her depressed, angry, and all of her thoughts. She never told me anything, so I sat there in despair and confusion when I saw her now lifeless body lay on the cold vinyl tiles, her brain matter pinned to the roof, sprawled out on the floor, and her dad's 12 gauge, Savage-Springfield 67H, sawed-off shotgun still partially attached to her hand. (Y/N) could've been saved, "If only I knew" I told myself, "If only I had asked more, payed attention more", and stuff like that. There's always warning signs, but they only become visible after someone does something as drastic as that. (Y/N) was so cheerful, and full of life around me! She was my best friend, I was even building up the courage to ask her out. None of it matters now, because I can't undo what happened. Everyone will be talking about it now, especially because it happened in Mr.Kovincski's class, and because she was a popular kid in bad spotlight. We all had a social project due today and you had to present a PowerPoint, she did her homework and was ready to present on time; punctual, and hardworking, she liked to keep up with her grades, her education was important. It was until the end of her PowerPoint when I noticed something was a little off, coincidentally she was assigned to research a famous Roman leader that killed them-self to escape their role as king, and draw themselves away from nobility. Our teacher didn't give us this person because they killed them-self - he gave us this person because this leader was responsible for saving an entire nation state, but (Y/N)'s PowerPoint barely had anything to do with the information that she was supposed to provide, we know why. The end of the PowerPoint - or last three slides if you're fancy - got to be pretty morbid and Grimm, she went into great detail on how this great & mighty leader killed himself, what he used, and what forced him into taking his life. I saw her hands start shaking whilst she dug into her bag. I know you're probably thinking, "how the fuck could she fit  a goddamn shotgun in her bag?", you'd be surprised; the shit you can stow away in a backpack - especially a big school bag like hers. While everyone sported Jansport bags, she brought on a non-name brand bag, very large compared to our thrifty, trendy packs. And her fucking shottie was sawed off so goddamn much... (Y/N) wasn't just thrifty... She avoided any sort of trend like it was the plague - no, not hate on them, just avoid them. Jesus Christ.... I'm going to miss her so much... For the next few days, months, maybe years, I'm going to regret not talking to her more. I'm going to regret the way I acted and the things I did, because I know that every time I close my eyes I'll see the roof of her head splattered over that stupid fucking tiled floor. The way her brain matter stuck to the walls and such. The way her lifeless body cuddled the ground and her weapon. The blast that rang through my ears. The blood that stained my white t-shirt. For the next while I'd certainly be blaming those stupid assholes that seemed to wanna pick on her, and for standing by the sidelines as I observed. And holy shit... I'm going to miss her presence, the way she ultimately took my breath away every time she seemed to be having fun. Those stupid conversations that lasted for hours on end, 9 PM homework questions to 4 AM chit chat. The presence of (Y/N) never left until I snapped back into reality - when we were allowed back into room 2119, and she wasn't there, sitting in her usual spot, getting ready for class. No, even as I watched her take away a life that was never hers - I still felt her presence, I didn't think it was real for a long time, but when it dawned on me, it felt like my own shotgun blast to the head. It was mortifying and too sudden. I think I blacked out, I didn't realize what I was doing until I walked out of the classroom and ran out the front doors, plunging myself into traffic. That was an accident, I swear I had no control! Running into a busy road... Or did I? Hey, I wouldn't know. I didn't have enough time to figure that out for myself.