FREAK | #RiseAbove

#RiseAbove

Ever since I had come out as transgender my phone wouldn't stop.

There was one message in particular that kept circling;

Freak.

That was my name. In school, online, it didn't matter, I had somehow adopted the name. At school, they spat the name in my face and told me that I was supposed to be a girl, that I didn't get a choice in the matter, in my eyes I was a normal teenage boy and in theirs? An abomination.

I had told the teachers, the principal, it didn't matter. They still whispered, they still raked me with disgusted sneers, they would still bat me around like I was a tether ball and not a human being.

And since they were limited as to what they could call me at school they resulted to the internet. They made Facebook groups and Geochats on snapchat, they would send anonymous messages to my sarahah account. It didn't matter where I went, it didn't matter if I tried to run because they would always find me.

I would lay in bed listening to the sound of my phone pinging as message after message of hate was received, I would let it lull me to sleep and I would read them with a heavy heart.

The words motivated me, but not in the sense that they motivated me to stay strong and keep my head high.

They motivated me in keeping my head down, in swapping my bright coloured wardrobe to a darker one in order to blend in and draw attention away from myself. They motivated me into taking a razor to my skin and cigarettes to my lips, they motivated me into succumbing to the darkness, in letting my hair grow out longer when I began to believe their words too. When I began to believe that I was a girl, that I had no choice.

There was a boy in my class named Leila Bleau, she was popular. She was different.

She didn't look at me like I was filth, she didn't whisper about me to her friends, she didn't pretend to be nice to me only to stab me in the back a day later. No, she was kindness and she was compassion and she was light. She was light at the end of my very dark tunnel.

I could tell you more details about my experience with cyberbullying but all you need to know is that one night, when I had finally given up and succumbed to my depression I attempted to take my own life. I was a freak, nobody would care if I was gone.

But Leila did care, she told me multiple times after she saved my life that night.

All it takes is one moment of kindness, one shred of decency to make someone's life better. All anybody wants is for you to take their hand and guide them towards their own light. We should all #RiseAbove together. Please remember, you are not alone.