The One

(+)

(+)

It was a rainy day when I decided to take a huge step without informing anybody at the precinct. I decided to go after a dangerous man and to collect evidence against a crime which otherwise was stated as an unfortunate accident. I ran, I ran for my life because I was being chased and I knew that if they caught me, I'll be dead. Was I thinking straight? That would probably be the question everyone would ask since I'm not a trained officer or anything. I'm just a mere investigator whose job is to go on snooping through situations people, rather the police are less aware of. They would just scoff and say that I was being brave. But isn't that my job? To be brave and bring the truth out in broad daylight?

I often think to myself, isn't it foolish to risk one's own life without having anything to do with the situation? To some, it may seem redundant but for others or us, it's everything because people pin their hopes on us, sometimes to find their missing loved ones, sometimes to bring justice to their loved ones and sometimes to analyse the whos and the whys. It's our job to piece together clues, find information and see things that the ordinary eye would mindlessly miss. It's quite amusing how people we don't even know start to matter to us when we're trying to solve a crime. We go to the extent of risking our lives, just to bring justice to someone we don't know.

I would like to give you a brief rundown of my current situation before you proceed to feel bad for my condition. You see, I was slyly lured into a trap which sounded like the person I was working for, was in trouble- I immediately ran to rescue that person. But when I reached that place, I realised that I was tricked into this trap which was crafted by none other the guy I suspect of murdering my client's family member. I somehow managed to escape them, to my stupidity, I still have documents on me and hence when I escaped, they came right after me. It might seem unexpected to some but to me, I knew this was bound to happen at some point.

When I was chased, I realised that all my energy and time was gone into something which had nothing to do with me. What benefit would I get from doing this? Maybe that's why they say, being a criminal investigator isn't as bad as being chased by seven goons, it was worse. I won't sugarcoat this for the newbies at the precinct. It's hard, it's very hard to stick around especially when you will always be taking up tasks that are either highly dangerous or confidential or both, which would make it even harder.

I stopped a little to catch my breath, breaking the array of my thoughts. The rain had stopped but it was still drizzling. My hair and clothes were completely damp, I was worried about the documents, But before I could check, I turned around, I didn't see them but I could hear them, they weren't that far. I began to gather my energy and started running again, trying to be faster with each step.

When my peers ask me for advice, I often find myself silent. All I mumble is that to keep hustling. I don't really see myself as a good mentor or someone that people can look up to or even trust. I can always see it in their eyes, the way that they look up to me as if I'm a hero of some sort. I'm not. I'm a just a human being trying my best to do my job. It often makes me wonder how they will react if I ever fail to perform my duties properly. Would they still respect me? Or would their fantasies about me being able to do everything finally shatter? I don't know. I don't like disappointing people which is also why I tell them not to expect anything from me. You see, the fear of disappointing people is very strongly built in me so I really do not enjoy a situation where people start expecting things from me. It puts a lot of pressure on me and I'm sure anybody would agree with me on that.

Dealing with my own guilt isn't as hard as dealing with the fact that due to some mistake I made, I disappointed someone. That thing stings badly.