It's been three days since Captain Balgaire's visit and Father nor Shelagh can bear to look at me. Taisce has asked us all what is wrong, but no one will answer him. I would not know where to begin since I am the one at a serious fault. Because I am not completely aware of what I know, Captain Balgaire dropped his accusations - at least until further evidence is gathered.
I am leaving the barn when Father approaches me. Unsure of myself, I stop, but I do not look at him. Instead, I focus my attention on the ground first, then the horizon behind our tiny home.I can feel DFather's eyes on me, watching cautiously. Perhaps he is right to be so wary, but it still cuts deep. He should know me better. We stand, silent, for a few minutes before he sighs loudly.
"Keegan, I leave tomorrow and you have orders as well. Camp Pozing. Two days from now would be fine. That should give you enough time to say good-bye and make it to camp when you're reqiured."
I keep my eyes trained on a tree in the distance. I cannot go. I will not go, I say to myself. They would only make everything worse, those soldiers. Camp Pozing is notoriously well-known for barbaric punishment and treason, or suspected treason, was punished especially harshly and often "accidentally" resulted with severe head injury or coma. It has rarely resulted in immediate death, though I fear I could become one of those few.
"You will be all right, Keegan," says Father, as though he has read my thoughts. "You are strong. You could survive anywhere, I expect."
At this, I turned my attention to Father. He was telling me to leave. He suspects what I do - that I will be torutred until death or talk. I cannot talk because I do not know what it is I know. I can die and, though I am not afraid to die, I do know that Death is not ready for me. I have some kind of purpose with this war. Perhaps not fighting, at least not amongst the Ro'Tan on the frontlines as I was trained, but I have a purpose. I have to find out why I see what I do. I have to know what makes me different.
I incline my head toward Father, showing that I understand, then amble along the path back home. I barely notice Taisce, my thoughts are so scattered.
"Kee! Did Father tell you he is to leave again? I really hate this stupid war. I never see him since he became Major. Kee? Keegan!"
"Tai, I cannot answer you when you speak everything in one breath like that. Honestly, some days I wonder if you should have been a girl," I say to him, keeping any hint of a grin off my face. Shocked, unable to determine whether I am joking or being honest, Taisce stares at me, his mouth open. No one expects me to joke; that is left to Tai. Finally, I start to laugh and Tai sighs with relief.
"Whaddya have to do that for, Kee? Geewhiz, you are such a jerk!"
I cannot give an answer, so I just grin and shake my head as I walk into the house. Shelagh is baking, as she is prone to do when she is upset. We have had many cookies over the past couple of days.
"Afternoon, Shelagh. What is that sweet smell? I should also ask if we will be having any lunch. I'm famished and Father should be back in a few moments."
"Hm? Oh, yes. I had sent Taisce after the two of you. I fried some of the fish Taisce and Odhrán caught this morning. And baked potatoes. Is that all right? I'm never sure about lunch, but you all eat so much. Oh, you were asking about sweets. Chocolate cake. It's cooling now," Shelagh said hurriedly, hardly looking my way. I walk to her and gently place a hand on her shoulder.
"Father told you?" I ask and she nods, placing her hand on mine. "I will be fine, Shelagh. There is no need for you to worry. Nor Taisce. I will be back. You need to be strong. For Taisce."
Shelagh only offers a small smile before turning her attention back to the cake.
"Go wash up. Taisce and Odhrán will be in soon. I want everyone clean, calm, and I really would like for you and your father to be well-fed before your journeys."
I turn away to go wash up, giving her a light squeeze on the shoulder as I do. I will be okay, I say silently.
In the washroom, I hear Tai come in the back door, talking so insanely fast, I do not know how Shelagh and Father keep up with him. I walk back to the dining area to find the three of them laughing.
"All right, you two. Go wash up so we can eat. Keegan, would you help me carry the food to the table?" Shelagh says, smiling - a front for Tai's benefit. I not, afraid to speak lest I break.
Lunch was quiet, mostly. Taisce did a lot of the talking and Father and Shelagh would participate in his discussions, but I was still thinking. An hour later, I was in my room packing and still trying to decide where to go. Something told me just to head Easy, to Hecatia, but there were a lot of risks to that. I could still go East, I thought, but up through the Ortain Mountains or down through Budai Forest. Both were dangers, but not as dangerous as running into soldiers. The war has gone on so long that there were more permanent Ro'Tan bases built or thrown together throughout the woods and even some in the mountains. I am only aware of the location of one and it's the largest.
"Kee?" Tai's voice sounds small. They told him, it seems. Instead of answering, I open the door all the way and grin. He's staring at the floor, not saying anything, but I hear a sniffle, so I pull him close and ruffle his hair.
"None of that, little brother. Everything is going to be okay. I promise." I say, hugging him close. I can feel my shirt getting damp with his tears, but all I can do is hold him close and shush him softly. After a few minutes, Taisce finally pulls away and looks at me.
"You'll come back, right?" he asks, his voice a mere squeak from what it should be. I can't answer, so I shrug and grin. My throat is tightening - I will probably start crying if I try to speak. There is a soft tap on the doorway and Shelagh's dark head peers in.
"Taisce, would you tend to the horses, please? Your father and brother will have a long journey," she says, her voice shaky, but she smiles despite it. Her eyes are red and swollen - she has been crying.
Taisce almost protests, but I think he noticed her state and decided he would do better to follow directions for a change. As soon as his footsteps were faint enough for him to be out of earshot, Shelagh turns to me and looks me straight in the eye.
"You cannot go to Camp Pozing, Keegan," she whispers, grabbing my arms with a strength I never thought she possessed.
"W-why n-n-not?" I manage to get out without tears falling. Shelagh only turns away, a vacant look in her eyes. After what feels like forever, she whispers, so softly I barely heard her, "You will die."
