sslleeppwpepover

oh wowhhwow

  "what?"
   "i mean... come over."
   tetsuo secretly grabbed a hand and twisted his fingers around nervously. kaneda asking him to come over? why else? "what'll we do?"
   kaneda shrugged and rubbed his oily nose. "i 'unno," he said, then looked to tetsuo. "hang out? what, d'you wanna do something?"
   "nah, just curious." he released his own hands and uncomfortably lifted his head to look the other boy in the eye. they had only recently established their boundaries, and tetsuo was never invited to hang out anywhere without some kind of negative repercussion like it being a prank or something.
   "so," kaneda snapped a hand and pointed to him, "i'll get you at eight. i've told you about the apartment i mess around in, yeah?"
   "mmhm."
   "okay. see you, then." he smiled.
   tetsuo was about fit to throw up.
   at eight thirty, kaneda finally arrived. tetsuo was outside waiting for him, afraid he had missed him as he had been late as well. kaneda drove up slowly, parked, and threw tetsuo some goggles. neither brought up the fact that they were late.
   "i have my own goggles," tetsuo said.
   "oh." kaneda scrunched his nose and looked around. "then wear them. but hurry up."
   tetsuo returned the brown goggles to kaneda and pulled on the warm ones that had been in his pocket. then, he quickly climbed behind kaneda onto his motorcycle.
   "we'll get you a new bike, soon," kaneda mumbled, shoving the headgear into his jacket. "yours is shit compared to this one, anyway."
   "bike doesn't matter," he muttered back, "it's the rider that counts."
   "'you want a new bike or not?"
   "yeah," he shrugged.
   "hmph." kaneda revved up his pretty little engine and made sure tetsuo was comfortable. then, tetsuo hugged kaneda's waist and they drove off.
   the apartment kaneda was talking about isn't very exciting. its landlord is shit enough to not recognize that there were teens fucking in the basement room with a broken lock and it was easy to slip into it when he was asleep at night.
   kaneda closed the door gently and sighed. tetsuo looked around at the dark, dull room. something brown stained about every surface.
   "smells bad," tetsuo mumbled. smelled like spray paint and sweat.
   "yeah. but it's cool, huh? sometimes i pretend like i live here." tetsuo scoffed. "almost do. not many people know about this shithole. come over here."
   kaneda walked tetsuo around the mattress lying on the floor and to the rusty kitchen. tetsuo's eyes widened.
   somehow, it was odd to walk around in something that resembles a house. he suddenly felt a surge of freedom.
   "if we use the electricity he'll eventually notice no one's paying and we might lose the place. but..." kaneda flicked on the kitchen light, anyway (i dont actually know if thats how it works lmao). then, he bounced over to the living room and flicked on the light by the door. tetsuo walked around with his hands in his pockets. "you're my special guest!"
   tetsuo laughed and sat down on the mattress. "well, where's the food?"
   "no food," kaneda said. "but..." he sat down too, on the corner next to him, "there's some alcohol hidden behind the bathroom piping."
   tetsuo swallowed. he actually hadn't properly eaten in a few days. if he drank alcohol with who knows whose backwash in it, he'd definitely get sick. he didn't say anything.
   kaneda got up and left the room to get it anyway. "woo," his muffled voice echoed from the bathroom, "smells like shit."
   "kaneda, i'm not really in the mood."
   the other peeked his head out. "huh?"
   "to... you know..." tetsuo was wincing as he looked back at the boy.
   "oh... you sure?"
   "yeah, 'think i'll throw up."
   "why?"
   "empty stomach."
   then kaneda smiled and walked in with three bottles. "just makes it hit harder." he sat back down, closer this time, and dropped the bottles on the carpet with a thud. tetsuo flinched.
   but, he had just spent all of the energy he was willing and brave enough to spend trying to avoid drinking. kaneda opened a bottle back up and sloppily chugged some.
   it obviously didn't taste good.
   he handed it to tetsuo.
   over the night, tetsuo eventually stopped taking his share but thankfully kaneda was too out of it to notice. he wished he hadn't come. he felt sick. he wished he hadn't come.
   kaneda scooted closer to tetsuo and put his head on the other boy's shoulder. "well, i'm done," he said, pushing the bottle away. "you know," he said, putting hand on tetsuo's arm. tetsuo tensed. "you're cute. and i'm not just saying that because i'm supposed to be drunk, 'cause i'm not even that drunk 'cause i think they put some tap in that stuff. but yeah."
   tetsuo's face was on fire and he missed the last seventy-five percent of what kaneda had said. kaneda scooted closer and put his face into tetsuo's neck.
   "let's go do something else," tetsuo whispered.
   "did'ja hear me?"
   "i need some fresh air, 'think i'll be sick."
   "sure." kaneda leaned back all at once and hooked his arm around tetsuo's. "let's go."
   the entire walk back out the door and up the stairs was lost in tetsuo's memory as he stared forward and only missed hitting walls with kaneda's help.
    as soon as his face was slapped by the cold air of the parking lot, he convulsed and hurled up only liquid. it hurt his throat and stomach as he heaved. the vomit had blood in it.
   kaneda leaned against the doorway with a pale face and rustled hair as he looked past the bushes, down the hill, and at the pool of city lights. tetsuo's sudden bursts of voice echoed next to him. then, he inhaled and walked over to the other boy.
   tetsuo's stayed hunched over in his embarrassment. kaneda put a hand on his back and patted him.
   "s'okay," he said, "i'll be throwin' up tonight, too."
   tetsuo finally stood up and rubbed his arm over his mouth. he felt woozy in the head and eyes. "i think i..." could pass out, he heard in his head. he closed his eyes and wobbled.
   "alright, alright." kaneda wrapped an arm around him and walked him to the door. tetsuo's eyes started to water and he cried. "let's lay down." it hurts.
   when they got inside, they left the door open as they shuffled to the mattress together. kaneda laid tetsuo down carefully. tetsuo blinked tears out of his eyes and whimpered.
   "it hurts, kaneda," he said quietly and hoarsely.
   kaneda rubbed tetsuo's chest and wiped snot from his own nose. his eyes were tired and half open. "yeah. you're hungry. one time i threw up when i was hungry. you get used to it."
   kaneda kept drawling on about something, some time with his friends, and tetsuo laid and hiccuped as he cried and cried.
   "... and i, um... yama pushed me, you know, and..." he suddenly threw up in his mouth.
   tetsuo watched him with calm, shaky breaths. kaneda held the vomit in his cheeks with closed eyes as if he were asleep, walked to the open door, and spit it all out. tetsuo laughed despite the pain it caused.
   the older returned to tetsuo's side as he cleaned his lips with his fingers. "so, yeah," he finished. "let's sleep."
   "okay," tetsuo whined. his voice was gone. "turn off the lights or you'll get in trouble..."
   kaneda nodded and went after the lights. when he closed the door, it was a lot darker than tetsuo had anticipated it to end up being.
   kaneda tried to navigate back to the mattress. "marco," he said.
   "polo."
   "marco."
   "polo."
   tetsuo felt kaneda slip on the mattress, regain his footing, and lay down on next to him. clothes and shoes on, the boys breathed heavily in the silence.
   tetsuo kept his eyes closed to rest them, but suddenly felt more tired in the body than the brain. drowsily, he scooted closer to kaneda, enough to be on his arm, and huddled against him.
   kaneda sighed shakily. tetsuo realized the mistake and his eyes popped wide open. "yeah," kaneda said quietly like he was reassuring himself, "s'cold." and he lay still as a board.
   finally, he slept for a bit. it hadn't taken him as long to fall asleep at he thought it would have, and he slept deeply despite the temperature.
   he woke up randomly in the night and the pitch-blackness disoriented him for a moment.
   "... and i'll drive you home," kaneda was mumbling to him, "and i won't tell anyone that you threw up."
   "thanks," tetsuo said as if he had been listening. he remembered he was on kaneda's arm and jumped.
    "you're welcome. we'll eat, too." tetsuo didn't bother to ask how or what. he was ready to fall back asleep.
   he rolled off of kaneda to stretch his arms above his head and yawn. "how long have you been awake?" he tried to whisper through the yawn.
   "i haven't slept yet. did you sleep?"
   "yeah." tetsuo relaxed back down.
   "it's been about thirty minutes. d'you feel better?"
   "yeah. hey, kaneda..."
   kaneda hummed. it was weird not being on his arm, anymore. "um..."
   the room was oddly quiet. as quiet as he would expect it, but it was weird and made him whisper.
   "before... you complimented me." where the guts came from to ask the other boy about this, tetsuo didn't know. he stared sleepily forward and kaneda stayed quiet. "do you like me? like... you know."
   "know what?" he was facing tetsuo, now.
   "like, with some girls. do you see me like that?"
   kaneda adjusted. "like how?"
   tetsuo didn't notice the repetition in his own tiredness. "like, do you want to kiss me."
   "i'm not like that."
   tetsuo jumped. 'like that'? "what'd you mean, then?" his scalp prickled.
   the darkness made everything seem quieter. kaneda slowly grabbed tetsuo's hand. tetsuo furrowed his eyebrows.
   "i'm not like that, tetsuo." he squeezed tetsuo's hand and tetsuo swallowed. "are you?" kaneda whispered.
   tetsuo swallowed. shakily, he said, "no." then, carefully and not without gritting his teeth, he squeezed kaneda's hand.
   in the darkness, he could hear the high pitched sound of a jacket rustling and the mattress shook as kaneda turned toward tetsuo and sat up on his arm. tetsuo held his breath.
   "as long as we have an understanding," kaneda whispered. he was close to tetsuo's face. "and no one knows..."
   "yeah." tetsuo shakily found kaneda's cheek and rested his hand on it. "then... we're gonna kiss, right?"
   "as long as no one knows," kaneda reiterated.
   "no one will know," tetsuo said even more quietly.
   kaneda put their foreheads together. "do you like me?" he milked.
   "yes."
   "enough to kiss me?"
   "yes." butterflies filled tetsuo's stomach and made him bounce his foot. he was giddy, giddy, giddy. "you're not drunk, are you?"
   kaneda kissed tetsuo's cheek and the boy grinned. "no," he said. then he kissed the edge of his mouth. "i don't think so." then, he kissed tetsuo.
   tetsuo giggled sleepily and kaneda smiled. his spit tasted bad and his hand was all over his side and he liked it, he liked it.
   he'd never been kissed before.
   he was bad at it, but he liked it.
   he liked it.
   finally, kaneda lifted his head. kaneda held himself above tetsuo for a second before laying back down beside him. tetsuo caught his breath.
   he closed his eyes and his mind was blank. then kaneda said, "you can lay closer again, if you want."
   tetsuo slowly opened his eyes, still breathing heavily. thoughts began returning to his mind and he carefully scooted closer to kaneda. this time, he held his arm and pushed his head into the other boy's shoulder.
   an almost affectionate silence filled the room. then, "you won't tell anyone, right?"
   tetsuo tensed.
   he swallowed.
   then, "no," he croaked.
   "you know why, right?" kaneda whispered.
   tetsuo just squeezed his eyes shit. let him sleep.
   "we'll get beat up."
   let him sleep.
   "we'll get kicked out of the gang, you know that?"
   "shut the fuck up," tetsuo said.
   kaneda stayed still, didn't hesitate on a single breath.
   "you don't know that they won't understa-"
   "they won't understand."
   tetsuo quickly sat up and clenched some of kaneda's jacket into his fist. he glared at where kaneda's eyes would be. the boy beneath him slowly lowered the arm he had instinctively lifted.
   "you're being a real asshole."
   kaneda whispered calmly, "do you want this to be a one time thing?"
   "no!" tetsuo felt frustration making him cry again. he sniffled and released kaneda to wipe his nose, then grabbed him again. "no!"
   "then this needs to stay between us." tetsuo wiped his nose, again.
   "then don't go fuckin' with some girls!"
   "i won't."
   "nah, some girls are gonna rub up on you 'cause 'a your reputation and you're gonna get all hard for 'em an'-"
   "shut up, now, tetsuo."
   "you know it's true!"
   "shut up," kaneda said through his teeth. he tried to grab his face but grabbed his collar first, then quickly adjusted to cover his mouth. "'you want to get us in trouble? quit your crying."
   tetsuo caught his breath and kaneda let him go. "i'm only crying 'cause i'm drunk."
   kaneda's hair rubbed the mattress in a nod. "you can kiss me again, if it'll make you feel better."
   tetsuo sniffed and tried to connect their lips. when he did, his fearfully quivering lip made it too hard to kiss and he laid on his chest, instead. kaneda sighed, hugged him, and pushed his head under his chin.