Sometimes I really wish that someone would see the world my way. Maybe then they'd understand me better. It's really one of those times I wish that putting yourself in someone's shoes was something real, something concrete. Because saying it is one thing, doing it is completely another. I have my own insecurities, my own flaws, and I make mistakes. Big ones. I have my weaknesses. But it's a damn sight better when I have someone by my side to tell me that it's okay. Being alone in this huge world is a crushing feeling. It's like you have everyone around you, but no one close to your heart. It's like that frustration a kid feels when he really wants the cookies but is unable to reach the jar. It's like that feeling, but bigger. Because the kid will have someone get the jar for him, and one fine day he will grow up enough to reach them on his own. Though I doubt he'll want them then. Life is so confusing. One moment you want something but do not have it. And then the next you have it, but you dont want it anymore. People call this "moving on to bigger things". Moving on to bigger things is good, it helps you grow. But as much as moving on to bigger things helps you grow, it also takes away with it the smaller pleasures of life. I dont know what everyone means when they say they're looking for answers. Hell, I dont know what I mean when I say I'm looking for answers either. It's true, and stupid at the same time, because we're looking for answers we dont have questions to. Funny as it sounds, it's quite true. At least in my case it is. When someone says they're looking for answers, they have a question. Questions like, how did I end up here? Why did this have to happen to me? And the likes. But when you say you've seen so much in life and you do not know what life want froms you, it's not a question. It's a discovery that you need to make. And no, life wants nothing from you. You want everything from life. Haha look at me, talking about "life" as if it's a crazy high school bitch trying to ruin my fun. Maybe it is, but this crazy high school bitch does leave back a lot of lessons. Believe it or not, both you and I have been a real jerk to someone else out there. Sometimes without even knowing it. But it's the times that we do something, knowing that it will hurt another's feelings, it's these times that matter. There have been many times like this in my life. Well sometimes "I had no choice" is an excuse as good as any, but these mistakes are beyond small choices. Admitting them is the most difficult part, but everything gets easier after that. Not that it's easy, but what follows is not as taxing as having to admit to the crime itself. And when there's a crime, there's always guilt, maybe even lack of it so to speak. But if you truly feel guilty, if you feel in the pit of your stomach those uncomfortable twists, if you feel your erratic heartbeat reminding you of your crimes, if you feel like fading away and never resurfacing, then know that you're human. Human with feelings. And feelings are safe. They're a harbour. Feeling something is better than feeling numb. Because numbness brings with it an eerie sense of unsafe calmness. It's unnatural. Feeling a strong emotion is good, because it drives you to do something. And in light of your guilt, it hopefully drives you to do something positive, something you can do to start repairing the damages. Maybe nothing I've written makes sense, and that's exactly why I really wish someone would see it all my way.
