Not Close Enough

Chapter 1

Standing in my bathroom I notice everything. All of the scars, and bruises that I have acquired over the years. Yet somehow they don't seem to be enough. The voices in my head are screaming at me to do it again. Scrambling through the drawers of my bathroom I find it, the blade I've been using for months. Pressing it against my skin as I begin to notice the blood oozing from my body.

1 cut 

2 

3 cuts

4 

5 cuts 

6

7 cuts

8 

9 cuts

10 

Now I am mentally okay.

As I'm sitting on my bathroom floor I hear the door screeching open. My father is walking over to me in an overpowering way. In order to protect myself from what's going to happen next, I throw my arms over my body. As he approaches, he squats down next to me, and rips my arm from around my waist.

Holding my arm in his hands he says, "If you can do this to yourself, why can't I?" Throwing his fists into my gut I mutter "Please stop...I'm sorry, I wont do it again, I will do anything. Just please stop." Throwing his body over mine I begin to scream, and quickly his hand collides with my face. "Really you'll do anything? You'll even kill yourself ? Because that's what I'm going to do if you don't."

When he gets up I sigh in relief, not knowing that he wasn't done yet. Thrusting his foot into my side, tears roll down my cheek as I'm unable to breathe, then he finally leaves. 

*time pass*

Jolting awake, I hear a beeping sound in my ears and feel a liquid running through my veins. Noticing the cords attached to my body, I begin to wonder, 'where am I?'. As a pain sears through my body I begin to scream, "HELP!"

"Shh. It's okay." A soft voice whispers in my ear whilst gripping my shoulders firmly. "It's all going to be okay.Were in the hospital now, but we will make it through this." That's when I recognized the voice, it belongs to my mother.

"Mom? What happened? Where is dad? Is he here?" So many questions race through my head, but the biggest one of them all was did she finally realize the piece of shit he is and file for a divorce?

"He's just getting some food. He should be back soon."

Without even thinking I ask, "Did you divorce him?"

"No honey. Why would I do that?"

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHY! HE'S A PIECE OF--." That's when I saw him. He's never been the most attractive guy. With his receding hair line and his shit colored eyes. And not to mention he's only average height. Now I may be bias, but lesbians can still determine whether a guy is attractive or not.

"Look who's awake," my dad says very violently. "I thought you would never wake up."

"Yeah of course you did." I snicker back knowing he can't do anything to me here.

"Hey Linda do you want to go get your food now? I can stay here with her." Now this is the point that I am scared. I should have never made that remark. I didn't think he would have the nerves to do anything to me though. Not here at least.

"Yeah sure. I'll be right back sweet heart. Everything will be okay, I promise." My mom says as she kisses my forehead. As she leaves the room I begin to feel the anxiety flood my body, to the point were my heart rate rises.

My dad walks toward me in his tough guy way, and I quickly forget how to breathe. Still unable to catch my breath, I just watch him walking towards me until he reaches the side of my bed. There he grabs my hand that is resting on the side of the bed and says sarcastically, "I hope you get better soon. The house feels very empty without you around." That's when I noticed the girl in a jump suit standing in the door way holding a clipboard. 

"Hello. Is this Eva Walkers room?" the lady said all proper. Nodding I wait for her to say something else. "Great, I'm here to ask you a few questions." Knowing that I wont be able to answer truthfully with my father around I ask. 

"Could I answer this questions without my dad around?" as I ask that question my dad squeezes  my hand tighter and tighter. 

"Of course that sounds like a good idea. Mr. Walker can I ask you to please leave? I will let you know when you can come back." As she says those words my mom walks into the room. 

"Yeah I can go come on honey we have to go wait in the lobby while they ask Eva some questions about what had happened to her."

"Actually I was going to ask Eva if she was okay with us going home for the rest of the day and getting some rest? Seeing as she is now stable," My mom says while looking at me for approval. Nodding my head both my mom and dad escort themselves out of the hospital.

Finally I feel safe. I feel as if nothing can hurt me, and although it may be sad that it took me getting hospitalized it still happened and it feels amazing.