"to be torn"

to be born

I was born in a deep black night in Winter 1998. Even my birth back then was a sign of how cold the rest of my life would be. Streets were frozen and my parents were cold when we went home after my birth. I was a big girl with a little bit more than 3500 grams. Brown hair, dark eyes. I was a silent child. I didnt cry when i fell down. I didnt made my parents buy as much stuff as other children did to their parents. I was happy in nature by collecting animals, chopping flowers and painting stones. My dad was not there when my mother got pregnant with me. Also my mum worked a lot after I was born and i was alone with my sisters most of the time. My sister fed me more often than my mum ever could. So I never had that deep connection to my parents as other children did. I was a introverted child who ripped her hair off when she was angry about something. That could have been a first sign of me developing self harm issues. But no one could have been knowing it before. No one knew i would be getting worse someday.