"to be torn"

to grow up

I have no memories which are complete. My mind is like a giant puzzle and i cant remember anything well. But theres is one thing I know every detail about. It was a September morning when i was in my childrens-dance-group; it was a normal day but one thing was different. Other kids seemed to look different to me. They didnt want me to join their groups and in partner-dancing no one wanted to hold my hand. They gave me a feeling of me being disgusting. That day the parents of them kids decided to kick me off the group because I was obviously - as they told me - destroying the aesthetic of the group because of my weight. That day; it all began. When I came home early the same day; i told my parents that I'm no longer enjoying dancing and decided to quit it from now. I didnt wanna be a burden to anyone. My little 8 year old heart was burning and i cried the whole night. Why did no one want to hold my hand? Was I dirty? My little heart couldnt bear the pain so i fell asleep crying that night. Who could have known that it was just the beginning of a big trauma...