Slow dancing

Reflexions

I watch myself in the mirror while brushing my teeth automatically.

I am in a trance and a jumble of thoughts is spread into my head. So many colors, memories and emotions flashing like paparazzi cameras inevitably turn into void and the only thing that can be heard is my heart pulsing in my ears.

And in that void, with the rhythm of my heart beat, there is an echo invading my body: "Who am I? Who am I? Who am I?" – and suddenly, my eyes are not green, my face is not my face and I am not my body. For a few seconds, I believe I can see through my shape and meet my soul.

Then I catch my family's features on my own appearance and lose myself, again. Children lives are a continuation of their parents lives and I wish I could say I mean it just in an anatomical way, but I can't. I can try to distance myself though, and that is the main reason why I don't mind being in a boarding school. Speaking of which, it's time to leave and take the taxi waiting outside.

I politely bid my goodbyes to my mother and father and hopefully to our vicious behaviors and cycles, at least for a while - I enter the taxi - some days are worse than others and I'm not sure whose fault it is, if they are really aware of what they have been doing for the past 18 years, how to stop it or even if I want it to stop. The truth is I'm afraid I might need them as an excuse to be as twisted as I am.

It still gets me how trivial all this mess seems to everyone else. Whatever, it is what it is... I guess.

I exit the taxi.

I am in the King's Cross train station where all students and teachers are supposed to meet and from there go to Norwich's Prep, my school. Just from standing afar I am drowned in déjà vu's and mixed feelings from the previous years. This is my last year and I am still overwhelmed.

According to the status hierarchy I should be fine since I'm a senior and I've built a pretty solid reputation around here. I am friends with the loudest guy ever and the classic lover boy, met those two on the first year since we all shared the same dorm. Besides that I am the swimming team caption and dated Alexa, one of the most desired girls, for a while and then we just faded into friendship... I even roll my eyes after this rant of how mister popular pants I am but I am just describing how people's minds work in these matters. Being cynical doesn't take you anywhere and I am in fact in a high social position so questioning the system is a delayed priority.

Well, suck it up mate and neutralize it, let's go.

As I walk through the platform I keep answering my name shouts or the back pats with short head nods that I am careful with so I don't over do it nor do it so subtle it might look like I'm being impolite. Even if I'm well aware that their behavior is due to being inferiors on the status layers and wanting to be acknowledge by a superior but miss me with the sympathizing shit, you pick one and three more come glued and I am not in the mood to make an effort to get to know more people besides the colleague scene.

Nonetheless, I also greet the teachers and take a special interest in Miss Darcy, a great English teacher in my opinion but I don't allow myself to engage in an actual conversation with her, only what's expected and proceed to find my group.

Being polite makes it easier and saves you trouble and I didn't think I was cut out to be this persona but hey, fake it 'till you make it.

Soon enough I hear the hysterical and loud laughs that can only belong to the one and only Nick. With him is Jason and some other people, I think I spot Alexa too.

"Harry, you fucker! We were already thinking you wouldn't show up" Yep, that's Nick right there. Loudest motherfucker, want to lowkey punch him 23/7.

"What's up dude? None of us heard from you during summer, tried to call you home a few times but then got tired to have your mother always answering bro, she has a hot voice though" Jason teases, grinning.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah Jason, cut the bullshit will ya? Have more to do than to mop around all summer"

"Yeah, I can see that Styles, haven't you gone bigger... Working out much?" Jason says checking my tanned arms and height.

"Just so I can beat you in football" I tease him back, I don't even care for football that much but didn't want to talk about my summer so this will suffice.

"Have you checked out the chicks this year? I think they are getting hotter and hotter" Nick states looking around.

"Took you guys 10 seconds to end up in the same conversation as ever, I am impressed, my counting didn't have to go higher than 5 last year" Alexa mocks, stepping out of nowhere.

"We are just keeping up with your maths knowledge babe" Jason eggs on while winking, that always breaks her in a bit and then she turns to me: "Long time no see Harry, how you've been?"

"Good thanks, it's nice to see you too missy" I playfully smile at her and she snorts and laughs back.

"Yeah yeah, now that we are all, I am proclaiming my rights over that blonde one, not even a look Styles. With Nick I'm good cause now he thinks he is in love or some stupid shit" Jason casually informs while I turn to see the already marked blonde.

"Don't worry, she is not my type"

"And what would your type be?" An unknown feminine voice fills my ears as I turn to my original positon.

In front of me there is a brunette with heart shaped lips and blue eyes.

Fuck no, this one has annoying written on her forehead.

- M