Day 1
A couple weeks ago we were kicked out of our house. My parents got divorced when I was eight or nine and my mom hadn't made a house payment since. I am now fourteen, turning fifteen in a month or so. We had been receiving foreclosure notices for years but we never thought anything of them because we were never verbally contacted. When we received the final letter we had been given three weeks to find a place to live and move everything. It was a long process. Cleaning up fourteen years of accumulated junk is never fun. There was a bunch of crap from each if us six kids, Mom was a cloth hoarder, Grandma a book hoarder, and Dad was a mechanic hoarder. Even though Mom and Dad were divorced, Dad still had stuff in our garage because he is a mechanic.
Now that we haves moved to a trailer I am different. I noticed that all the teenagers that hang out at the park are skinny. Like really skinny. And they are all friends. It makes me think about my own weight and social standing. I am 153.6 pounds, size 11 pants, and size 34D bra.
Fat
I am also socially awkward. I usually just sit quietly and only answer direct questions with quick answers. Am I supposed to say anything else? What do I say? I don't know. I don't really have any friends. I have a group of acquaintances that can tolerate me watching them talk. That's it. Nobody knows me. They know nothing. They are all ignorant to the real world and they don't know what it means to truly be unhappy.
I take that back. There is one girl who is like me. She is the only one who knows pain here. Hers is worse than mine. She is beaten and has been raped and her parents don't care about her. Her name is Casey. She is adorable, like a puppy that has been kicked to many times. I try not to get too close though. She doesn't need my depression on too of hers. I stay away for her own good.
Casey is the closest thing to a real friend I have. She introduced my to someone recently. Her name is Ana. Ana is honest. Ana is not afraid to make me feel bad for a little while because she knows it will all work out in the end.
When I stepped on the scale today, Ana was by my side. When I received that 153.6 she looked at me and said," You need to do something about this. You weigh to much. No breakfast or lunch tomorrow as punishment!"
I don't think she was very happy about my weight. As she was leaving I heard her say something about how this one was going to be harder.
I think that was a fat joke.
Ana is always with me. Standing silently next to me, watching everything I do Encouraging me do pedal faster, run harder, and talks me out if the food I crave. Ana has opened my eyes to myself. I am truly disgusting. I never realized how awful I look. I jiggle when I walk! my waist area is round and pops over the top of my pants. nasty muffin top. My legs are so big I can't even think about it. I just want to never eat again.
Ana said she will help me with that.
