Vanilla Girl

L e m o n - S o r b e t

"DID YOU SERIOUSLY told her she has a pretty face?" Wyona asks incredulously after I've finished reading the small slip of paper Justin handed in to us.

"Well, technically I wrote that. But yes." Justin shrugs. "What's the big deal?"

Honestly, are all guys this ignorant?

I lock eyes with Wyona and I can tell she's asking herself the same question.

"Are you gonna tell him or am I?" She asks.

"I'll give you the honor."

She lets out a sigh, "fine." Turning to Justin she clears her throat just as if she was about to give a speech in front of two-hundred people instead of one.

"Ok. I don't know how to say this in plain English, but I'll give it a go." She pauses, making sure Justin follows her. Once he nods, she keeps going, "You can't say that to a girl. And when I say can't I mean can't. You might see it as a compliment and maybe to a guy's point of view it is, but did you consider how she'd react to those words?"

I look at Justin who's spotting a blank expression on his face. Aparently Wyona's explanation is too advanced for his brain cells.

"Think of it this way, what if a girl tells you that you have nice eyebrows. What would you say?" I ask.

He turns my way, a crease appearing on his forehead, "Nice eyebrows?"

"Exactly!" Wyona pirpes in. "You don't feel complimented do you? You may think there are lots of other things that stand out in you, and I'm not just talking about the phisical aspect. But surely if I tell a girl she has pretty eyebrows I'll make her day."

I nod, "True." I spend hours plucking my eyebrows twice a week, the least I expect is for someone to take notice.

Justin frowns in confusion, "So I have to tell her she's got pretty eyebrows then?"

I drop my forehead on the table.

God please give me patience.

"No!" Wyona raises her hands in exasperation. "We were giving you an example."

He runs a hand over his face, "I don't get it. First you tell me having pretty brows is the best thing that could happen to a girl and then you say I shouldn't tell her that. What should it be then?Because you are making zero sense."

She sighs,"Ok. Here we go again."

I have to admit I'm not used to Wyona showing patience towards another human being, and the fact that it's Justin just makes the moment a whole lot more interesting.

"If you complement a girl about her 'pretty' face as you say, she will wonder: just my face?. Just like you'll wonder: just my eyebrows? It's as if you make it past her neck and decide the rest of her is hideous."

"Oh." He nods. "I think I'm starting to get it. But that's not what I meant to say at all."

"Yeah, well. That's how a girl reacts to it, so if you're gonna play Romeo then you better take that into account."

Justin shakes his head,"You girls are so complicated. What then? Do I have to make a list of every part of her body and complement it? That's ridiculous."

Please someone restrain my arms or else I'll end up strangling him.

"That's not what we are saying!" We reply in unison.

"Ok.ok. Fine! I'm gonna grow gray hairs by the end of this conversation if you keep stressing me!" He exclaims, stealing one fry from my plate and plopping it into his mouth.

"We are not complicated. It's easy. You just have to remember the basic things you should never say to a girl. Especially one you like." She twirls one of her curls, "Never tell a girl she looks tired. You'll make her feel self concious."

"Never start a phrase with the words 'don't take this the wrong way' because that's the way she'll take it." I point out.

"Never tell a girl she reminds you of your mother, it's like telling her she's ruined." Wyona wrinkles her nose.

I nod, "Yeah, and never joke about a girl period unless you want to end up dead. Also, be careful around a girl cloth size. You should never hint that she might not fit into something."

"Never tell a girl that her sister is hot. I mean, it's like saying she got screwed in the genes pool."

God! I remember Gabe saying that to me once. I honestly wanted to kill him so I did the only thing I excelled at that wouldn't get me into prison: painting. You can still appreciate the tattered edges of Minnie Mouse on his locker. It never came out despite all his efforts to get rid of it. It was a pretty good paint. He never found out who did it.

It's not that I get jealous, I know I'm not pretty, but did he have to rub it in my face?

"Never tell a girl her hair looks better shorter, darker or any other way than the one she has in that moment."

Justin's eyes snap to mine and I feel a pang of guilt, but then I remember how it made me feel when he said that to me and it's gone before I even considered taking my words back.

"Never question a girl about her food choices", Wyona continues. "If she wants to inhale a plate of fries let her. She's happy."

That's such a Wyona thing to say.

"Never tell a girl you don't trust her cooking. She may poison you for that."

I watch as Justin's eyes widen in alarm and burst out laughing. "Ok. That might not be true. Anyway, don't complain. If you don't want it then don't eat it. That's why deliveries are for."

We keep firing statements at him and he sits there absorbing them all like a real life Sponge Bob.

"Never ask a girl if she's wearing extensions." Points Wyona.

"Delate the phrase 'I was just kidding' from your daily vocabulary."

"Never tell a girl she's crazy, you'll make it worse."

"Never say the words 'calm down' when a girl is riled up, she'll explode on your face."

"And last", I say. "Never ask a girl how much she weighs."

Justin just stares at us blankly.

"Well, that was a lot of nevers. Could you maybe write them down or something?"

I lock eyes with Wyona across the table and we burst out laughing.

He wasn't as absorbent as I thought after all.

"No wonder I'm still single, I never respected any of those things. Am I really that unbearable to be around?" He wonders out loud.

"Is not that--" I laugh, then I cough when I chocke on a piece of fry. "It's not that you are that annoying. There are some perks about being around you too."

His eyes brighten, "Yeah? Like what?"

"Well, like hanging out with Mason Wright for starters." I say and then immediately regret it. Lucky me he doesn't notice the heat rising to my cheeks. Instead, he crosses his arms clearly offended, "What? I'm not good enough to hang out with?"

"I was just kidding Justin." I bump his elbow playfully.

He clicks his tongue, "You just said not even two minutes ago that you should never use that phrase."

"Didn't notice you were paying that much attention." I say.

"Of course I was. And now I'm pretty sure you meant every word."

"Whatever," I wave my hand in the air. "We were speaking about girls, guys are a different topic."

Wyona gives me a look that makes me realize I may have as well dug my own grave.

I watch as Justin's eyes study my face before he shakes his head, eyes shining mischievously, "Nope. You meant it. I know it."

Oh God. Why did I have to open my big fat mouth in front of him?

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