Beyond Our Reflection

about me and important stuff

Thank you for taking the time to read my book and helping me put the word out there. I put permission here to say you can share this with people but please do not try to claim it as your own or edit it to make it yous. 

prevent death is important when i was younger around the age of 12 i started what everyone call's the "emo phase" which yes can be a phases but there are people that stay in it like myself for a very long time. it may not have started around when i was this age but depression started hitting me really hard. keep this fact in your head at the very least 15% of all adolescents (teenagers and young adults for those who do not know) have symptoms of depression.

in the heads of the people they do not matter to anyone they think no one cares and the world could be better without them. there are some that get though it and live with that feeling. but there are others that has so much going on in there head that leads them to self harm. going back to when i mentioned the "emo phase" this is what people relate depression to. In the real reality depression is a lot worse than people who haven't experienced it think. it drives you crazy constantly and always puts you down. 

Anxiety is a form of depression. when you to scared to wear that certain outfit or to go out and meet your friends. That is anxiety, it may not be depression it self but it is one of the biggest leads to it. dropping out on events with friends or not going on any dates. it always puts something bad in the brain of the person behind it. even writing this im thinking myself what if people think this is trash and think its all a massive joke. 

Bullying in school has got worse again in recent years. i was talking to my cousin when she was around 9 in school she was being bullied. This wasn't just by the students but by a teacher as well. harassment is not acceptable for children as young as that harassment all together needs to stop.  when kids as young as 11 beat each other up in fights leaving them with broken noses or black eyes when they all ganged up on a kid who now has to go to hospital all because he was intelligent and others didn't like that.

someone explain why everyone thinks racism and being sexist is ok. they are not, Woman on less pay or calling someone a terrorist just because of there faith and religion, why are you smart no you really arnt smart. everyone is a different person, you do not know what they have been though in there life or will experience never judge a book by its cover so never judge a person by there skin tone.

These are all different things that bring out depression or are depression its self there are many more than i simply chose to write about here but this is simply to help put the understanding out there that you or someone you know are suffering with depression. remember You Are not alone. there is always people there to look after you, you may not see them but they are there.

iv suffered with depression all my life since i was as young as 4. i never had a farther so i never really knew what it was like. one of the things that got me down when i was that age was seeing my friends with there dads and them being happy. then as i was growing up all the bullying and everything lead to anger management was actually me venting out all my sadness and all the pain i had when i was growing up, so when i was 10 i tried to kill my own mother. What kind of child does that, yes i sound crazy but its true. Very shortly after holding the knife to her i fell to my knees crying. I was then taken to anger management which i stayed on for 4 Years.

see during this time is when i realized i had depression, the doctor i was with even said i was depressed. so i done the only thing i could think of i picked up a knife and cut into my leg every single night. this is the first time i have ever spoken out about this. then when i turned into doing other things. To the date of 11/10/2017 i have attempted 23 times and either been stopped, stopped myself or simply just failed each time. to the same date i still cut every now and then if everything gets too bad. But i am now fortunate enough to have people around me that would cry and try to join me if i did. depression is in my own personal opinion is the worst thing that could happen to a person.

During the time maybe they couldn't care what happens to them or they may just act normal and suffer all alone. they might act stupid they might run across roads when cars are coming or they do drugs. (Note: im not saying everyone who does drugs is depressed)