It's Been Awhile

Authors Note:

I Disclaim everything other than the plot, even the title was taken from the Staind song. It's a Frerard One-shot so enjoy :)

Warning:

THIS CAN BE TRIGGERING SO PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED. Also, Gayness can offend people although this is just people talking about gayness. I has a much more deeper meaning then gayness. And please don't block this or anything, this is me just trying to be creative and stuff and I deeply apoligise if you get offended in anyway.

And It's been awhile since I could hold my head up high.

And it's been awhile since I first saw you.

I look in the mirror, I'm so pale and the black rings that show lack of sleep aren't helping. I'm dying slowly, I used to be so happy. But now I can only look at the pictures of me and who we used to be my friends, painful memories held in one single frame.

And it's been awhile since I could stand on my own two feet again.

And it's been awhile since I could call you.

Tears start falling freely as I smash another bottle against the kitchen counter, I kick over the dinner table and grab anything, just to break it like I had been broken. Missing the feeling of happiness, I walk over to my bathroom, treading around the glass with caution, I grab out the unperscribed pill bottle and shove a majority of the contents in my mouth. It's slowly fading away, but it's not enough.

And everything I can't remember.

As messed up as it all may seem.

Most of the pain is gone by the time I finish another bottle, Five more and I'll stop, I would always say that, but I never, ever stop. I stand up from the counter, only to take two steps and fall down, another break-down, they've become a normality in this home, this wrecked house, it's just how it goes.

The consequences that I've rendered.

I've stretched myself beyond my means.

I hear a rapid knock from the door, I barely answer it without hoping, maybe, just maybe they came back. I open the door only to be greeted with the mail-man, him holding a letter out to me "Gerard Way?" I take the letter and turn around. Bills, probably. I throw the letter on the couch, not bothering to open it.

And it's been awhile since I can say that I wasn't addicted.

And it's been awhile since I can say I love myself aswell.

I quickly walk over to the drawer that held my escape, I yank it open and pull it out, the razor. I smile, remembering that I've done this many of years ago, but I stopped thanks to Frank. He was the only reason I stopped, he left, I started up again, good thing I've come to no use, you shouldn't exactly ruin worth-while things could you? Well I'm not, I'm hurting myself.

And it's been awhile since I've gone and messed things up just like I always do.

And it's been awhile but all that stuff seems to disappear when I'm with you.

I press play on the tape again, it was all four of us, Ray, Mikey....Frank and I, we were just having fun, my mom was taping us and I had accidently elbowed Frank in the face, trying to get something out of the drain in the sink, we lost it but, I ended up giving him my first kiss, yes, I had my first kiss on tape, although I don't need it, I see more in my dreams. I smile, the memory of all my friends with me, happy years before I decided to mess it all up, with the drinking.