Ch. 11

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Bendys POV

After yesterday... everything was just kinda... a blurr. I listened to every word spoken, and all my senses were in tact. but its like... what came in one ear just kind of... went out the other. All I remember is cuddling in a huge heap consisting of Cup, Mug, Boris, and I.  We laid there for what seemed like days. By the time I actually got up and checked my phone, I had about 200 e-mails, 100 texts, and too many social media notifications to count or say. I'm not one of those people who updates every hour on the hour, but if I don't respond to your messages within 48 hours, you should probably worry. Most of my texts came from random people I forgot were in my contacts... every single one was about Henry. Since he is a famous animator and illustrator I imagine how many people heard of his death. Most of them were apology notes or saying it will get better. A particular one I noticed was from this guy named... Tom? He simply said alcohol. That's it... no more no less. Another one was from a guy named Max... It said "at least he died loving you" which worry's me. And lastly, the first text I got was from none other than the angel her self. Alice.

It said,

(Alice te angel) Sent you a message.

"Hi. I'm... Sorry. I freaked out a while back. It was... Not ok. If your happy with Cup.. Then I'm happy for you. I just really thought you loved me. But now that... Henry is gone, I realized that... Your gonna be gone someday too. and I don't want you to die hating me. So I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me. Its ok if you don't, I get it."


My heart aches. My brain hurts. My eyes are puffy. My body is mutilated. And my soul is damaged

I know. Boris feels the same.

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Boris Pov

I feel like death is raining its wrath upon me. Like Someone bundled me up and tossed me aside to rot. Like someone took my heart and played catch with it. What did I do? Is it my fault? What now? Can I still keep him in my heart? These were a few of the many questions swirling around in the stew that is now my mind. I cant make sense of what's happening. Its all just lights and words. I think... I'm hungry. I haven't eaten in days, at least to my knowledge. Henry's funeral is soon, but I'm not prepared... emotionally that is. Its so... weird... I've never felt so... helpless, un-necessary, useless. There's nothing I can do anymore. Its all over, done, gone. I... cant express to you in words, how this feels. I'm confused, like.... I don't know. I wish... feelings were words. 

I usually see the world as an array of beautiful colors. I point out all the beautiful things to myself. How the trees sway in the wind, how a single leaf falls from a tree signaling the warm colors of fall to come fourth and change the way the things look. How a couple sits in the window of a small mom and pop coffee shop laughing about a joke, holding hands across the table. My most favorite used to be when Cup gave Bendy a surprise kiss and he would turn red in the face. I never noticed the bad stuff, but now... the color.. it feels.. gone. And i don't see the wind, trees, fall, the sky. All I see is concrete and darkness. The voices... the ones I used to have when I was small. The ones that used to tell me how worthless I was and what a nuisance I was to everyone. Their back. The wont shut up. They wont stop. Now granted, they never did. I just learned to ignore them. Every time one tried to say something, I would yell stop. It only happened when I was alone. But now, even with everyone around me, they overpower my thoughts. Its to the point where that's all I ever think. They tell me its my fault. My fault he died. My fault he hates me. My fault everyone is like this. Maybe if I had stopped the fight, everything would be normal. If I wasn't so scared of everything, or so sensitive, I could have helped. I want them to stop. Stop yelling.... stop yelling........stop.....stop......stop.........

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READ ME FOR MORE INFO ON CHAPTER 12

HI! its me.... I feel really bad for leaving you guys on a cliffhanger but HERE IT IS! so WINTER BREAK. so MAYBE i will be able to write again! I just haven't had the time. I've picked up too many hobbies to handle, not to mention I now attend public school. SOOOOOO I have to be able to get in Study time, dancing, singing, playing the uke, drawing, reading, running, cleaning my house, watching anime, watching TV, keeping up with BABTQFTIM, Family time, pet time, school, and on top of all this, MAINTAIN A SOCIAL LIFE. soooooo YEAAA i don't have much time. Consider it lucky i haven't given up on this thing yet! So it may be a while before chapter 12. Keep up to date w/ notifications and stuffs. WOULDNT WANT YA TA MISS ANYTHING!

Sincerely-

                    A very busy Avery~


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