Synacky~Just Not To Your Face

reminisce..(4)

ZACHARY BAKER. | INBOX | (6) Messages | (2) Replies | (35) Drafts | (6) Folders

:NEW MESSAGE:

Date: 06.04.11                                                                                                                  

Time: 10:03 AM

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To: Brian Haner (SYN_GATES_@outlock.com)

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From: Zacky Baker (vengeance_6661@bluezone.com)

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Type your message here:             

Heh. I often though about what would happen after that stupid love affair with Gena. I was so devastated when I found here cheating at me that  I couldn’t find myself again in a long time. You know that feeling don’t you? When you’ve been so in love that you forget to think about yourself and suddenly you see that you stop being yourself in the way you would like to and need to. You become a puppet that runs after its mate without a second guess.  I never felt that way around you.

I was myself with you around. I never had a single doubt. I could play my music, make my fashion, create what I desired, live the life with you on tour! I could snuggle up to your side with my nose buried deep into your muscular neck, taking in the sent of love and care. That sent that’s yours. It  meant a lot to me when you hold me in your arms, Bri. I just wish that you would have handled this differently.

Sometimes I wonder if I could find another love like ours that are just as strong. Crap….  Fuck. Fuck fuck.  I have to let that sentence be there. I admitted it…

Okay.

I never did. I’ve tried. I guess that’s the worst betrayal so far..  No its not Charlene. She can’t compare to you. Not a chance.. I’ve tried running. I can’t.  I cry…

Fuck. I miss you.

You said I’m honest? Well fine. I’m gonna start to be honest.

I miss you everyday.. Every second. Every minute. Hour. Month. Its been 4 months, 5 days and 24,3 hours since we had the fight and I left.  4 months, 5 days, and 24,3 hours of despair, and hurt.  Its hurting worse than my sickness. Cause I still have cancer, its not going to change, do you realize that?

Are you sure about this?

Its never that wrong, that it’s not good for anything, eh?

I cry again.  Your words works as a wake up call, but they also make me even more insane.  This feels so good… its almost deadly.

Tell me that lovers wasn’t the thing for us. Cause I can’t breathe. I think you know what can make me start breathing again. Give me the same air that you breath into.

You take my breath away, don’t you?  I realized that sounded cheesy as fuck, but I don’t care. You have already spoiled the cheese all over the floor, making me be caught between swollen happiness and a heartache that’s have a crack larger than Gran Canyon.  

My eyes are turning puffy and red.

You know where to find me.

Your Zacky.