I was never enough

Prologue

Prologue

 I held his hands for the last time..

His touch..

His scent..

His eyes..

The tears falling down..

It's all still in my head..

I remember him, slowly and gently letting me go while I kneel down and asking him to stay.

"Please, give me this one last chance.. I made a mistake I know. But please.." I uttered.

But I only got a head that shook side to side in reply

I held his hand tightly. Tightly like I ever did before. He grabbed my hand and slowly let my hand go. 

"Please.. Nagmamakaawa ako.. " I cried.

I wasn't thinking about the people who could see us. All that mattered to me was him not leaving me. 

"Please, one last chance please.. i love you.." I cried out loud.

"I love you too, but it's too much already.. What you did was so painful." He said.

"I know, i know.. Hindi ko din ginusto yon I swear! Please listen to me.." 

"No, listen to me. Hindi na magw'work to. As we leave this place, FRIENDS na lang tayo." 

Those words broke my world. My mind shut down and i felt my heart stopped beating. My world shattered in pieces. Pero hindi ko na yon inabala, I don't want him to leave me.

"No please, mahal na mahal kita. Di mo na ba ako mahal?" I asked. I didn't want for him to answer that, because I was afraid na baka hindi ko magustuhan yung magiging sagot nya.

"Mahal pa kita.." He slowly said.

I felt my heart was gathering its pieces, and my mind calmed down.

"pero hindi na tulad ng dati. Gusto ko ngayon friends nalang muna tayo. Sobrang sakit nung ginawa mo." He continued.

My heart again hit the ground for the second time.

"Wag mo naman akong iwan oh.." I cried. My face is filled with tears but that didn't bother me. 

"Ayoko na" He said without any hesitation.

"No please..." I pleaded.

I kneeled again before him. Tinatayo nya ako pero ayaw ko. I wanted him to see na nagsisisi ako and that I love him so much. 

"Sobrang sakit nung ginawa mo. Binigay ko yung buong tiwala ko sayo, pero anong ginawa mo? Ganto moko susuklian? Hindi kapa seryoso sakin. Naglalaro ka pa."

"No please wag mo naman isipin yan oh.. :'( " I cried louder. "Yes, i know i made a mistake. Sorry kasi nasaktan kita ng sobra. pero nagsisisi nako. Hindi ko yon ginusto please. Mahal na mahal kita" I uttered loudly.

He shook his head, this time his eyes were dry and his face turned to being emotionless.

"Wag mo kong iwan.." I cried for that last time. 

"Ayoko na, sinagad mo ko" He said and then stood up.

"Umuwi ka na" He continued.

I shook my head as a sign na ayaw ko pa.

"Umuwi kana!" He told me.

"Ayaw ko.." I softly uttered.

"Bakit?" he asked.

"Kasi sabi mo pag umalis tayo dito, friends na lang tayo.. Mas okay ng hindi ako umalis dito, wag lang maging friends" I calmed my heart and said this words slowly. I saw another tear fall.

"Uuwi kana, or kahit friends hindi na?" He said with full authority.

Silence enveloped us. 

He was standing, and I know he was looking at me with pity. 

I was looking down to my knees. I didn't know what to do.
Ayokong umalis kasi hindi ko tanggap na wala na kami, pero kung hindi pa daw ako uuwi baka strangers na lang kami.. 

It was hard standing up and walking out to that place. I wanted to stay. I was willing to stay for a bit longer. Until marealize ko muna na wala na talaga. 

Every step I made towards the door, I felt my heart feeling heavier. 

I felt like I was dragging my heart because i knew it was stuck there not wanting to leave. 

but I made it out the door.. 

He was walking ahead of me.

I was at his back, at a distance. 

Watching him. 

Watching him walk away.

Tears again fell. 

I wanted to hug him 

For the last time..

I wanted to tell him that i love him so much and that i was sorry for everything.  

But time didn't allow me.

He was already out of my sight.