//You must think that I'm stupid You must think that I'm a fool//
"Baby I swear i wasn't with her". "What the hell do you mean you weren't with her, I clearly saw you two". The screaming continues till we both can't stand each other's voices. He thinks I'm dumb. And I can't take it. My heart hurts and so does my throat so I make my way up to that room. That lonely room that is meant for two. where I spend most of my time alone, wanting nothing but the love I used to have. The front door slams and everything is silent. Again.
//Every time you hurt me the less that I cry
Every time you leave me the quicker these tears dry//There it is again. The rumors, the drama. He used to try so hard to make me not believe it. Now he'd rather argue with me over it. And it all adds up, when he's been seen with models or there are pictures of him in a club with some blonde broad across the internet. But I don't cry anymore. Don't break down, it's worthless. It won't get me anywhere or help the situation. Our goodbyes are no longer sad. Even when he's not on tour he's not home. So when he walks out the door, preparing to leave for 2 or 3 months at a time. We aren't sad and we don't cuddle each other. There are no "I love you more"'s shouted through the door after he closes it. And I don't cry. Neither does he, we continue with our lives.
//Every time you walk out the less I love you
Baby we don't stand a chance it's sad but it's true//My heart beats a little slower when he leaves but it's harder to notice now. I don't feel the love and I know for sure he doesn't either. We both know it's not working and we're just holding on for relief. Or for the comfort of knowing you still have someone you love. Or someone you used to. No matter what we do there's no saving it. Maybe it's better that way. We're holding on to something we don't need.
//I'm way too good at goodbyes//
The call is short. Five minutes and thirteen seconds to be exact. We don't say a lot and our words are whispers. We come to the conclusion that our hearts aren't in it and we shouldn't be together. It doesn't seem official until the day he moves all of his stuff out of our apartment. He doesn't speak to me when he does and I don't try to make him. It's for the best. He doesn't leave right away, he hugs me first. And not just a "I'll see you later" hug. It's more. His head rests in mine and my cheek is pressed into his chest. His heartbeats really fast. And he holds me tight, he hasn't done that in so long that I almost break down. Almost. 10 minutes later and he's gone. I don't know how long the hug lasted but it seemed like eternity. My shirt now smells like his and I wanna burn it. Any more memories of him will kill me inside and I can't have that. For once I actually feel empty. He's no longer mine. At least it went well. There weren't any tears or screaming. I'm good at this. I'm good at goodbyes.