unconditional love

Unconditional

I want to say this is about my journey to learning what unconditional true love is.
This has been the longest hardest I guess test that life would ever give me.
I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH IN LIFE I HONESTLY FORGOT WHO I WAS AND WHAT MY PURPOSE IN LIFE WAS.
I BELIEVE THAT IF I DIDNT LOVE UNDOUBTEDLY UNCONDITIONAL I WOULD HAVE LOST MY SOUL.

Since I can remember as being a young girl. I always believed that I would be able to change the world. I always wanted to make it a better place. I didn't have a great child hood. I always dreamed about being better then where I came from. I've seen alot of things in my life probably no child should ever see or go through. I have 4 sisters not one is by the same two parents. My dad wasn't around ever. He was always in another state. My mom she was addicted to alchool and drugs as long as I can remember. I was always close to a very selective few of people. I had to grow up very fast. I had always dreamed of a real family like the ones in fairy tales. I always said that I would write about everything. I lost alot of people who I loved dearly though out my life. I would say the first person would have been my grandpa. I was grandpa's girl. When I was born. I remember my mom telling me a story about how my grandpa took me out of my crib while my mom was asleep and took me to his room just to make me a bed in his dresser drawer just so he could watch his baby girl sleep. That's a story I'll always remember of him. Then I lost my grandma. She raised me from the time I was 9 or 10 untill I was about 17. My grandma always taught me to love everyone no matter what even when they don't love me still show them I love them. My grandma taught m how to love undoubtedly unconditional with no expectations. That's the greatest gift she could have ever given me. She taught me that when ever I was ready to give up pray. She said never give up always pray. She said God loves us all. I always believed with my whole heart everything my grandma told me. When I was 17 I had to say goodbye. I hate makeing birthday plans because everyone I have ever made plans with I've never got to celebrate that birthday with them. When I was 18 I started to loose who I always was. I had a child hood friend from age 5 untill I was about 16 I believe. We always talked no matter what. And shared so many secerts. I always thought I would marry that boy one day. Well life chose to take us in different directions. He chose to follow a path of destruction that I promised my self I would never do. I loved my self enough to distance my self from everyone and everything I've ever known to be different then what I was raised around. This friend when he chose the path of self destruct I wasn't trying to follow. He broke my heart. I know why he broke my heart. He never knew what true real unconditional love is. He's never shared that with anyone. I thought we had that I think I was wrong. Well the next person in my life I loved was my best friend. She wasn't my mom but the next best thing. We had a bond that no one could explain. We had a bond that we didn't even have to speak we just both knew. I can say this woman made me the person I am and the woman I am becoming every day of my life. A monster took that away from me. He thought he would destroy me. See this monster is a a real life monster. He took everything and everyone I loved away. How was I ever to believe in live if everything I love is awalys stolen right from my heart. Everything thing that was stolen from me was my family and friends. This is real. They he stole my heart and took my ability to even believe in me. I used to love to write. When my best friend was murdered. I lost my heart. She was the only thing I ever loved and loved me and everything about me. I was the daughter she never had. She had 3 amazing boys that also had a troubled life. I always promised my best friend I would always make sure her boys were ok. I have always tried to make Family a priority even when I'm not a priority. Well I made alot of people more important in my life then I should have . I have learned so many lessons through this life. The best lesson of all is when I found me again. I had to go through something's in life I may not be proud of but I'm not perfect. I will never be perfect but I'm happy with being perfectly me. I have found that no one can love me more then me. I have learned that I have to love me and respect me before anyone can love me. I got tied up with life and pain. My mother grandma and Aunt. Always told me to love and I was magical. I for got alot of my childhood growing up because of the pain. It took a best friend that was basically stolen out of my life. I had to listen and start writing and becoming who I always want to be. My mom aunt and grandma always wrote letters of words wisdom and unconditional love. They wrote these letters to make us remember who loves us and reasons why to love who we are and where we come from. I lost the little girl who loved every second of life just because I was breathing. I forget that someone doesn't know how to believe in love. Because they don't know what real love is. I'll tell you what I believe real love is. I believe that real love comes from god. I believe that he's the one who loves all. I believe that with all my heart and soul. I believe that he chooses people to show what he is. And who he is. I believe God may have chose me to teach what unconditional love is. I loved my mom even when she didn't love her self or even her children felt she didn't live us. I loved her with my whole heart through the battles of addiction and trying to have a family. It's not an easy thing. When I lost her she showed me what unconditional love is. I always promised everyone I would graduate and go to college. I had many challenges reaching that goal. My best friend was stolen so I did not have his support . Or the reminder of who wanted to be. My mom told me before she passed alot. We had one amazing mother daughter talk I'm grateful for Because it was one we never had before. She talked to me about her childhood. It was a nitemare. She was depressed most of her life because of it that's what led to her addiction. I promised her I would never lead my kids that way. I promise to always love my kids unconditional. She loved her grandkids they were her life. She made them a book . I never read it untill I lost her. She told my son the proudest moment of being a mom and a grandma was his mom. She means me. How did she love me so much and I never thought she loved me. I always said to her mom my kids are my true love. Well after she passed I lost my self more. She was my heart. She always told me believe by in myself if no one else does. Always believe my heart. That's wisdom that a mother gave me that I'll never forget. Well I started to write my best friend alot he was away on very important business. It has taken him through so many heartbreaks. He lost so much in life that wasn't his choice he even lost me . This best friend he chose to save others life's instead of his own. That's unconditional. Well I vowed to never give up untill I got my best friend back. I started bto write him in writing him back and fourth he made me remember who I was a gift that I can never repay. I found me in writing him. I found the girl that used to love everything about anything and anyone. He made me believe in me again. He made me believe in magical love again. A live that you don't have to see to feel. A love that only is from the heart. It's real pure love. We both helped eachother understand what's our purposes in life. That purpose in life in undoubtedly unconditional real love. It's a love that may hurt for good or bad reasons but you still have love. It's a spiritual love. A love that can make you believe in God and blessings and love. He showed me how much he always loved me because he showed me how to love me again for who I am and who I am to become. Thank you best friend. Your a friend that every girl dreams of. Your a friend that I always love even when I didn't know what love was. Thanks best friend aka my heart and forever soul mate from 5 years old . Thanks again for loving me for me. And not who I am not. Love always me.