Breaking the Chains That Bound Us

The "Break Up" Prelude

I scream for anyone to come save me. 

I reach for anyone to come rescue me from drowning in this pit of despair. 

I run toward anyone willing to free me from his harsh grasp.

No one can hear me for miles. I run and run until I can't anymore but all I see are trees. I build up enough strength to keep going. I can hear the faint sounds of an engine. I think I am nearing a road. I run like my life depends on it, because it does. 

I'm close. I can taste it. I make it to the road and fall in the street. A mountain ranger gets out of his car after I hear him call for back up. I'm free. The paramedics get there and patch me up well enough to go to the hospital and I will never have to see William again. 

It's a beautiful production, but I know that's not what really happened. 

What really happened was much more brutal...

I am running for my life, when I hear a car engine. I am literally on the cusp of freedom, so I keep running. I make it to the side of the road when he pulls me back. I was lucky enough to make it to the road. I think someone saw me. I scream and scream until it feels like my lungs won't expand anymore. He will punish me for trying to escape, but I had to give it a shot. 

He clamps his big, sweaty hands over my mouth to shush me, but I use my last bit of energy to fight. He drops me to the ground when I manage to kick him, causing him to hyper-extend his knee. I see this as my chance to run, but before I get too far, I feel the air rush from my lungs. He tackled me. I feel his scorching hot breath on my cheek as he rasps in my ear, "You thought you could get away from me love? You aren't ever leaving me. You belong to me. I will never let you go. You don't deserve to leave. You don't deserve freedom. I will never let you go." He chants the last line in my ear over and over while he sticks a needle in me, and for once, I look forward to what I know is coming next....darkness, temporary escape, emotional freedom.

By the time I wake up again, he's dragged me back to the cabin and tied me back to the bed. It takes a minute for my eyes to adjust to the darkness and I see his silhouette on the walls. I lean up and see him sitting on the edge of the bed with a gun. He usually does this. He'll drug me, drag me somewhere to tie me up and beat me, and he will leave me in the dark with no food or water. He says it's punishment, usually for things that I didn't do or things that I supposedly made him feel. Then he will try to apologize and threaten to kill himself because he can't take "what he's done to me, what I made him do." This time though, I can't wait for him to ask me if I want him to actually do it. This time I will say "yes." Usually I say "no" because I don't know what he will do to me if I tell him how I really feel. Now, though... I am hopeless. I don't care anymore. Let him do what he will. I am tired of this. I am done. I just want it to be over. 

He looks over at me with those ocean blue eyes I used to dream about and looked down at my left hand. It lost its appeal a year ago, when I first suspected he was cheating on me. I confronted him about it and he got defensive and got in my face. I wish I had walked away that day. After that, we verbally fought for a month. Then one day, when I was meeting with Amira and her husband for her pre-birthday lunch, he claimed I was the one cheating. "Who's David?"

"What are you talking about?"

He got in my face. "You heard me. Who the fuck is David? Are you cheating on me?"

"What are you talking about? David is Amira's husband."

"I don't believe you. You're a slut. You're worthless and despicable." I was in such a state of shock that I didn't even register the sting on my cheek until the sound of the front door slamming brought me back to present tense. From then on it got worse.