Inner Demons

Chapter 2 (The Understanding)

As a baby, I don't really remember much. You know, the whole laying in a crib and crying when you wanted a bottle to suck on. I don't really think anyone remembers that part of their life, except for stories that your parents tell you. So I will start this story when I was three, around the age where I was capable of understanding the world, but still innocent to its evils. My earliest memory begins with my bedroom. It was painted a deep blue and had those little wall stickers on the wall, large cartoonish rocket ships. Spaced out between each ship was a few glow in the dark stars; on the ceiling, the solar system Earth was positioned in projected from my little night light. I felt as though I was truly in space and I had made it my goal that day to travel beyond the palace and live my dream. The rest of my room, however, it looked like any other room. I had a lava lamp and a little rocket ship shaped bed, and that was the gist of it.

I recall running out of my room one night well past my bedtime. I ran down the long dark hallway toward my father's room only to be stopped by Asmodeus, who was pulling up a robe so that it could cover his shoulders. He had just left my father's bedroom, but for an innocent mind such as my own, I didn't understand it at all. I figured they were just hanging out, you know... talking. Boy, was I wrong... I was wrong about so many things.

— "Daddy! Daddy!"

I yelled at the top of my lungs, pushing past Asmodeus in an attempt to go directly to my father, but the attempt was futile. Asmodeus picked me up and held me close before carrying me back toward my room. It was in that moment I saw my father ushering another woman out of his room. She was scantily dressed and my father, being the man he was, completely skipped out on the dressing part of things. Yet again, I still didn't understand what was going on, but being as though lust was in my blood, I could smell the aroma of pleasure in the air. No, not the smell of sex, the smell of satisfaction. It made my skin crawl in a good way.

— "Asmodeus... what was Daddy doi-"

He cuts me off.

— "Never mind what you saw, Azael. You will understand in time and it'll be second nature for you. Don't force yourself to grow up any faster than what you already are."

His words seemed to soothe me in a way that not even my father's loving kiss could do. I was unaware that Asmodeus was my other father, so I never understood that this soothing feeling was love. A "mother's touch." You never understand how much it means to a young child to have that bond until you don't have it at all. Or at least, you believe you don't have it. Then again, maybe you've had it all this time; I wouldn't really know.

I fell asleep soon after being put to bed, and I had dreams of plenty, but none stuck out as much as one did. One dream that would forever shape me into the man I am today, a dream that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It was my future self in my dream. I was sitting on a rock, looking down at what seemed to be frail looking demons, only they weren't demons at all. They were the souls of the damned and I wasn't myself either. I was their overseer. I watched them all as they moaned and groaned, attempting to pull away from the black rock below me. They were melted into the rock and it looked agonizing; it sounded like such too. I was a large creature, horns upon my head and sharp claws digging into the stone. Inside, I could feel something much larger, angrier; it was burning inside. I felt as though it was teasing me, waiting for it's final moment to take over. Just as my dream became too real, I woke up.

———

Every morning, I would make my way to our kitchen and our cook would have a vast amount of items to choose from for the family to eat. I always chose the pop tart because I enjoyed the sweets on top. I could read on Asmodeus' face that he was waiting for the questions; he knew I was dreaming the way I was. It made me feel uneasy, so I avoided asking such questions. This didn't steer me away from asking about my naked father and the woman from the night before though.

— "That lady last night. Is she my mom?"

— "No. You do not have a mother, Azael. You have a father and a goat. And you have me."

— "You're silly! I don't have a goat. I do have a snake!"

Asmodeus would then laugh, watching me pull my bed pants down and parade my naked lower half around like no one else was watching. Though he laughed, he knew I was becoming self-aware of what I had. I was only three, but being a sin meant I aged much faster in many ways. I was larger than most 3-year-olds and my sex drive would be showing itself soon. Asmodeus knew that Lucifer wouldn't know how to explain that to a child of my age without making it sound bad. He knew he would have to teach me all there was to know about myself; and so, later that night, he did just that.

———

My father had left the palace for the night, going to one of the "churches" he and Asmodeus had created. The church was not a church at all though; rather, it was a strip club. That's where he found his "special ladies" that he would then bring home and take away whatever innocence they had left; and Asmodeus, who was deeply in love with my father, had to watch and pretend it didn't bother him. Asmodeus calls me into the living room and sat me down on the couch. In front of me, sitting on the coffee table was a book, a large blood red book with fancy silver writing. The writing was that of Asmodeus' native language, an ancient language that only the oldest of demons could understand. He then began explaining who I was to me. Though he skipped out on a few things to keep me from being hurt, I finally understood. I understood my father, I understood my dreams and I understood this world I lived in. I was a creation built simply for hate and that was it. I wasn't a kid like all the other demons around me, I was a product. It broke my heart but I knew what I had to do from that point on. I had to be what I was made to be. I had to protect my father and become his precious sin.