It hurts.

1

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of self-harm, depression, and suicide attempts

Song - Shawn Mendes - Running low

Weeks on end, I'm on the road

I start to lose my sense of home

I should've called so many times but I,

I just sat next to my phone

Ciel laid staring at his ceiling, his eyes open dried of any remaining moisture. His phone buzzed beside his head, he chose to ignore it, he knew exactly who it was. He couldn't bring himself to face the boy on the other end, he knew he'd break if he answered the endless stream of calls and texts. He couldn't do that, his own mental health came first. He couldn't go back now, he had to be strong. Ciel's chest constricted at the memory flashing before his eyes.

Just know it takes it from me

To end this darling

"I can't do this anymore. I can't I'm sorry. I have to end this." Crystal eyes stared at him, wide and shocked.

"W....What do you mean.... I thought...."

"I can't. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry."

"NO! No Ciel, You can't do this. No! Please!" Ciel looked away at the begging boy before him.

His heart ached at the sight, at one time he would have labeled the boy as pathetic but not now. Not ever again. He watched as the blonde collapsed in front of him, clutching his heart through his T-shirt.

"It hurts Ciel. It hurts, make it stop. Please." The blonde begged, his usually happy, confident voice broken by sobs and raw pain.

"I'm sorry Alois, I can't do this anymore."

"What did I do?! I don't.... I don't understand... What changed overnight Ciel. Don't you love me anymore?!"

"I do Alois but-"

"Jim. My name is Jim."

"Jim, I can't.... I'm not strong enough." Ciel felt his own tears rolling down his cheeks at the sight before him.

The boy he loved so much, he didn't want to hurt him but he simply couldn't deal with the hurt anymore. He couldn't handle Alois properly he wasn't mentally strong enough. He knew his lover was damaged, he'd known from the start but he couldn't watch from the sidelines anymore. He'd begged the boy to seek help, to talk to someone, but the blonde refused. As Ciel watched his lover writhe in emotional pain he saw the glimpses of the cause of his own pain, gashes cut into pale skin and scars marring the softness of his lover's flesh.

"I'm sorry." He had to leave, he had to go now or he'd take it all back.

The sobbing got louder as he left the room, a weak hand grabbed his ankle but he shook it off easily. He stopped in the doorway and turned to face his now ex-boyfriend.

"I love you." He mumbled one last time to the sobbing mess on the floor.

And I know you'll find someone who

Gives you the time I didn't give to you

I'm running low

I'm sorry but I have to go

And maybe I will never feel

You gave me something so real

I'm running low