Indigo River

I felt the teacher’s voice strike me through my endless thoughts.

“Mr. Evans, have you heard anything I’ve said in the past five minutes?” No.

“Yes, absolutely.”

“So, what do you think? Do you want to go to Nepal for extra credit?” Nepal? Where is that?

“Sure, yeah, I’m totally up for it.” What did I just get myself into?

“Alright then, can you stay after school so we can set things up?” I agreed, and quickly left the classroom. I got about ten feet down the hall when a voice stopped me.

“You weren’t actually listening, were you?” I turned around to see who had asked. It was some guy in my science class. He was Asian, with thick black glasses and stylishly dressed. I smiled sheepishly and shook my head affirmatively.

“She offered you extra credit in exchange for going on a field trip to Nepal on a botany expedition… with me.” He looked up at me, waiting for an answer. He was sat with his back against the lockers, and his botany book open in his lap.

“Oh… So, where is nepal?”

“In the middle-east. Actually, if you decide to go, we won’t actually be in Nepal, we’ll be camping in the jungle surrounding Nepal, categorizing plants. I think it would be beneficial for you, in all honesty.” He said in a rush. His accent made me smile a little. I remembered back in elementary school when he moved to the states.

Apparently his parents actually live in South Korea, and he barely ever gets to see them. As far as I know, he hasn’t seen them for years. He is notoriously the smartest kid in all of his classes, and to be honest, I had been too intimidated to try to be friends with him. I mean, what was I, the stupid kid he would have to help? So I just never said anything to him.

He waved his hand in front of him. “Hello, earth to Nathan?” He said.

“Oh, yeah, did you say something?” I asked, embarrassed.

“Well, not after I answered you, but you were just looking at me with this strange look. I don’t know, anyway, are you gonna go to Nepal with me?”

“Yeah, I can’t afford not to. Not that I don’t want to, but hey, how did you know my name?” I asked sincerely. I had never told him my name. I sat by him against the lockers while he thought of how to answer.

“Well, I… inquired as to what your name was when I found out we might be spending the whole summer together. I just figured, you know, that it would be good to know.” He was almost stuttering. Was he embarrassed? He twiddled his thumbs in his lap.

“Oh. Well, I guess I’ll see you after school then?” He nodded. “Well, it was nice to officially meet you, but I still don’t know your name.”

“Daniel.” He said simply. I nodded and once again said it was nice to meet him.

I went through my next two classes thinking about him. God, that sounded super creepy, but I swear I wasn’t into him. I mean, geez, I’m not gay. But… There was just something about him, a certain impressionism about the way he speaks to me. Everyone else when they talk to me treat me like I am only a b-class soon-to-be dropout.

I like that he actually feels that he can have a conversation with me, and isn’t obviously annoyed at my mere presence. It was just… refreshing.

I couldn’t focus in class so I just zoned out. When seventh hour ended, I hurried out and headed toward the science classroom. When I arrived through the masses of students milling toward the exit, Daniel was the only one in the classroom. Mrs. Andrews wasn’t there yet. I sat in the desk to the side of him.

He had his nose in that botany book, and didn’t even look up when I entered the room. I silently observed him, waiting to be noticed. His concentrating face was actually kind of cute, in a totally heterosexual kind of way. His brows scrunched up and he chewed on his lip.

He looked up suddenly. “Hi.” He said. My face flushed red, having been caught staring.

“Hey.” I replied, and looked down in my lap, not wanting to look him in the eye.

“You okay, Nate?” He asked, and I smiled at the nickname. I nodded in response and Mrs. Andrews walked in.

“Well, I see you boys have met each other already. I seem to have some unfortunate news. Mostly everyone in the botany club can’t make it this year, due to funding issues, so Casey will be the only one going with you guys.” She said, and sighed.

“Well, that’s too bad. I was hoping Emmit would be able to make it at least.” Daniel said. “Well, that will at least give me a chance to teach Nathan here about all of the exotic plants in Nepal.” He looked over at me and smiled. I reciprocated, even though I had no intention of learning about plants.

Mrs. Andrews looked at me. “Funding isn’t an issue for you, is it Nathan?” She asked. I affirmed that it wasn’t and after we sorted out how long the trip would be (all summer break) I left and headed out to my car.

In the parking lot, I heard Daniel run up behind me and call my name. I turned around, to see him stop in front of me.

“Nate, give me your arm.” He said. Well, that was random. I held out my arm. He pulled a sharpie out of his back jeans pocket and wrote something on my arm. As he put the pen away, he started walking away and waved nervously. I waved back and looked at my arm.

Oh my god. His phone number. He wrote his number on my arm. I smiled and looked back up to watch him disappear into the school. I was thoroughly confused with myself. Why was I so happy? I wasn’t gay. You know what, who cares. I hopped in my car and headed home.

But what if I was gay? God, I never thought I’d ask myself that. I’m pretty sure my parents would approve. Well, let me rephrase that, they wouldn’t have a problem with it. Now that I think of it, I never really had much romantic experience; I don’t really remember ever being attracted to a girl. I mean, I’m only sixteen. Should I have had more experiences by now?

I mean, if we’re being perfectly honest here, I used to experiment with my male friends as a child, and I can’t say I disliked it. Does that make me gay? Maybe I should focus on how I feel about Daniel. I don’t know him, but physically he makes me nervous. But nervous in a good way if that makes sense. I do find him handsome.

I bit my lip. Maybe I should just not worry about it and do what feels natural. And if that meant I liked Daniel, so be it. I didn’t have a lot of friends. He was the first person to ever really come up to me in a friendly way.

When I got home, I walked in and called out, “Mom, I’m home! You in here?”

“Yeah, hun, I’m in the living room.” I threw my stuff in the corner and sat down on the couch next to her.

There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes while we watched TV. I looked over at her and wondered if she would care.

“Hey mom?” I inquired. She asked what was the matter. “Well, I just have a rhetorical question. What would you do or think if you had a son or daughter who was… gay?” I was perspiring by now.

She eyed me thoughtfully. “I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I wouldn’t know how to help them with relationship problems, but we’d make it. Why do you ask, or need I ask?” She smiled. I looked down at my lap.

“Well, I’m not absolutely sure yet, but I think I’m gay. I don’t know, there’s this guy I like a little.” I said quickly, wanting to get the words out. She pulled me into a hug.

“You heard me when I said I’m not sure right?” I asked. She nodded affirmatively.

“I know honey. I’m just glad you don’t feel like you have to keep things from me.” she smiled.

I went on to tell her about the trip, and I have a feeling she knew I wasn’t planning on actually learning anything. I failed botany for a reason; I hated it. Not that I didn’t like plants, I just didn’t want to know everything about them. When we were done talking I headed up the stairs to my room.

Surprising everyone on the Earth, I pulled out my botany book. I flipped through the pages, mostly looking at the pictures, until I fell asleep with the book forgotten on my chest…