Just Because Stories

Paranoia.

Paranoia

Paranoid, they call me. Overly cautious. Boring. Hah, goes to show what they know. I ignore their rude whispering, their pointing fingers, muffled laughter, and fake concern. They do not understand the importance of education, of topping the examinations. I must rank first. I must score full marks. I must beat every other student in my class, everyone who ridicules me. It is why I come to school; to study. Fun, games; it is all secondary. I have one goal and one alone. I must remain steadfast, focused.

It is the week before the examinations start. I must mentally prepare myself. I've prepared a study schedule. Seventeen hours of study a day, five hours of sleep. Two hours for eating, bathing, and other miscellaneous activities. I make sure that I've all the necessities ready. Coffee; Check. Pencils and pens; Check. A fresh note pad. Highlighter. A damp cloth to wipe my face, lest I get sleepy. I've got all the essentials ready to start studying tomorrow. I go to bed, setting the alarm for 5:30 am the next day.

The first day; I study continuously. Six hours; no break. While I hurriedly scarf down my lunch, I mentally recite the numerous equations included in our portion. I rush back to my study table and resume the tedious task of studying derivations, determined to learn all the concepts by heart. Physics was a subject I hoped to top this year. It was fortunate that it was the first exam; all the more time to study. Although I am pretty confident about my preparations, there is a nagging unease at the back of my mind. Pushing that aside, I turn to the next page. I must study well. I must top the section.

It is now the third day and I am done with almost a third of the portion. Although I'm busying myself with studying for the first examination, Physics; I remind myself that it is important to do exceptionally well in all the examinations. A single paper could affect my entire final percentage. It was fortunate that there was enough of a gap between each examination, as I'd noticed when I scanned the examination schedule before my mind went into overdrive, making study plans immediately. It was best to tackle each exam one after the other, granting each it's fair share of concentration and focus.

I flip the sheet, and study the diagram given on the next page.

It is the fifth day since I began, and I was quite proud of the fact that I had not only managed to completely cover the entire portion from the textbooks, but had also managed to flip through a couple of guides offering additional information on the syllabus. These exams are important; it would be wise to stay best prepared.

I had cut all sorts of contact and communication with my classmates, and hadn't checked the group chat forum they generally use to discuss topics and clear doubts, although I could hear the muffled 'ping's my phone made at each of their messages from where I had stuffed it in a draw of the dresser. I did not need help, and I could not be bothered to answer their trivial questions. I could learn by myself. I continue to ignore my phone as I read the last line of the page.

It was the day before the examination. I was quite pleased with how prepared I was, even though the uneasiness I felt at the beginning of the week was still there. Alluding it to stress and worry, I dismiss it as needless apprehension and proceed to ready the contents of the bag I'd be taking with me tomorrow. Extra pens; pencils and eraser to draw the diagrams. Geometry box. Hall ticket. Comprehensive notes for last minute revision. Making sure that I had everything ready, I go to bed.

Laying in the dark, I think about all the preparation, everything I'd put myself into, that has led to this point. How I'd rushed home and immediately pulled out the examination schedule from the circular file I'd stuffed it into when it had been handed to me at the end of class, how I'd promptly made study plans and stuck to it diligently, how I was thorough with every single concept included in the syllabus. I tell myself that all my incessant worry was for nothing. The questions were usually quite predictable, and after solving question papers from the last ten years, I was more than well prepared for the examination. The school wasn't well known for the innovations it introduced to it's annual examinations, and that suited me just fine. Even the examination sequence was identical to that of last term! Chuckling to myself, I smiled as I drifted off to sleep; dreaming of the coveted class topper position that seemed just within my grasp.

.............

I woke up an hour earlier than I usually do when I have school, and after a hurried breakfast and getting ready quickly, I started on my final revision which I continued at the bus stop, in the bus, and the precious few minutes before we were expected to report to the examination hall. Once I was done, I grabbed the necessities from my bag and made my way to the seat allotted to me. Waiting earnestly for the invigilator to hand me the question paper, I smiled smugly at my nervous-looking classmates. She finally reached my seat, and I muttered a quick prayer before glancing at the first question.

Confused at first, realization hit me with an appalling blow. With trembling hands I held the question paper and I thought back to the day I had, in my eagerness, impatiently pulled out the examination schedule from the stuffed folder, tossing it aside carelessly after reading through the subject sequence without paying attention to anything else on the page.

The three words on the top of the page stared back at me cruelly, mocking my despair as I felt all the color drain from my face.

Psychology Examination 2013.