I am crumbling, as of recent. No I wasn't always falling apart slowly like I am now. But this isn't about what I was like before as of recent, no no, this is about here and now.
If you are reading this I hope you understand this is nonfiction to a God damn point. As real as it gets. Now I wont go blurting out names, but I recently heard something from an aquatint that really messed me up bad. You see in my town there is a youth group many of us attend. It wasn't always as popular as it is now, oh no. I used to be a nice and quiet small youth group where kids went to learn about the Lord and what not. But as more and more people were invited to come, it has become a busy and noisy place where kids go to say shit about one another and make out under every unoccupied staircase. Wonderful thing about small towns is that they are never particularly "small" per say. Every body knows everyone and there uncle so people get bored, meet new people from other towns and BAM half the teenagers of that once "small" town are all knocked up and on some type of drug. But I digress. So back to the aquatint from church. You see I have tutoring on Wednesdays (when youth group takes place) so I haven't been in quite a while. Today (Thursday) my aquatint had some news for me from the previous night. Now this news isn't a rumor, but real words said by none other than my best friend. When I say best friend I mean I have my own chores at her house kind of best friend. Yes this girl is my family and I love her with all my heart and sole. Sorry it sound creepy but its true, she is my rock. I have known this girl since kindergarten so as you can infer we have a closely bonded relationship. That was until the aquatint. 'I don't even consider her my best friend anymore" she boasted after taking a long dramatic swig of her monster energy drink my aquatint told me. And precisely at that moment in time, that pure moment of awkward ringing silence, I crumbled. 10 years of boys, divorce, family, friends, enemies, sickness, school, tears, and every aspect of life in between coursed through my mind. My heart beat was in my throat, my ears, my forehead. Eventually the tireless pounding made its way to my eyes and the silent salty tears fell like petals from a dead flower. That flower was our trust. I was the petal and i was being slowly rejected without my knowing for so long. Today is the day I fall. I hit the surface like a glass being dropped. I shatter and break. I crumble. I am crumbling. How long have I been falling from our flower of friendship? How long have I been so oblivious to this harsh reality? How long has she felt like this? How did she not feel guilty, and even if she is guilty, how did she hide the guilt on her smug face? I ask myself these question as I sloppily run home bawling at the top of my lungs like a blubbering baby. I throw my self into the arms of my confused mother. I explain and we bawl together because she was like family. I am hurt and so is my source of comfort. It feels as if someone has died and we are grieving. This is chaos. Thank you for listing to my God awful day. I wish whoever reads this the ability to not be so blind like I have been for the past 10 years of my life. The past 10 stupid, pointless, wasted years I will never get back from that 'friendship". From that dead flower of a bull shit friendship.
(P.S) I hope you know I'm talking about you. I hope you feel like the absolute shit you are. I hope when you find and read this you break and fall apart and just crumble like I have. Crumble.
