Of Lakes, Mysteries and the Odd Lunatic

Chapter V: In which things are noticed that are best kept secret are noticed

Chapter V

In which things are noticed that are best kept secret are noticed

The Health and Safety Inspector was a small man, with thin, greasy, black hair and a nasal voice that carried a rather annoying English accent. He was wearing a plain black suit and tie, and carried a clipboard and a tape measure.

“Welcome to Funny Oaks, Mr. ...?”

“Green.”

“Mr. Green, it is a pleasure. Now, here we have the main building--”

“Yes, I can see that. Now, I need to ask you some questions.”

“Anything you need, Mr. Green.”

“Is that part of the roof made of paper?”

“Ah, well, ummm...yes. But is very thick paper and is completely waterproof I can assure you--”

“Unacceptable,” Mr. Green intoned in a disapproving manner. He made a mark on his clipboard. “Now, there are several broken windows that I can see from here, what is in the rooms behind them?”

“What broken windows?”

“Now, Mr. Baker, I’m sure you can see there are at least four broken windows on this front part of the building. There is one there, there--”

“Ah yes, I see now. No, those rooms are all either used for storage or are empty.”

“Even that one with the man in pyjamas in front of it?”

“Well, that one may actually be a bedroom, but we have given out boards to be used in case there is a draft at night.”

“Mr. Baker, it is entirely wrong to have someone sleeping in a room that cannot retain any heat!”

“I am getting in a glazier within the week to sort it out, it’s just that we’re a little bit low on the financial side of things right now, that’s all, I’m sure you understand.” Lawrence was wringing his hands together and had a little bit of a nervous tremor going on.

“Mr. Baker, could you please lead me to the kitchen. I will need to inspect your food safety standards to ensure that there are no health concerns in that area...”

Lawrence spent the rest of that day following the health and safety inspector round the Institute, guiding him to whatever part he needed to view next and offering explanations for things that were found to be irregular. By the time the inspector left, Lawrence was in dire need of something strong and quite possibly alcoholic. For the second time in two days he found himself eating alone in his room and mulling over both what had happened that day and other things from the past.

From what the inspector had pointed out to Lawrence, the cost of fixing the numerous faults and broken parts of the Institute would tax it’s bank accounts dearly, and quite possibly to the point of bankruptcy. Lawrence was becoming one of those thousands around the world who’s finances had caught up with them, and they spent every waking hour, and many an hour when the were meant to be sleeping, worrying about them.

Among the following day’s post lurked a most unpleasant and worrisome letter. It was in a large grey envelope marked in ink with the stamp of the National Board of Health and Safety Requirements. Inside were several pages upon which were printed two columns. The first stated the problem or ‘health and safety concern’. The other the approximate price of fixing it.

At the bottom of the very last page was a tally of both columns. The number of concerns reached the upper limit of one hundred and fifty. The cost was over $250,000. Lawrence sat back in his chair, his face pale. He knew there were a lot of problems with the old building, but he didn’t know that they reached this extent, and he had absolutely no idea it would cost this much!

But where was he to get this money from? One of the things Lawrence prided himself on was the affordability of the care he provided. He was not the sort of person who believed in charging extortionate rates to his patients so he could live it up in luxury and splendour. True, there was a small amount of money amassed for emergency repairs, but it would bare cover a twentieth of what was needed here.

What the Institute needed was money, and fast. For below the tallies on the last page, there was a notice that warned of a forced closure of the building within the month if these problems were not addressed within that time. And they were already seven days in.