In The Eyes of the Ill

Chapter One

My arms feel heavy as I walk down the street. In fact, everything feels heavy. My existence just feels like a burden. I feel so alone on this cold night, but I know damn well that I'm never truly alone. They're always here and they're always out to get me.
I take a deep breath, hold it for a few moments, then exhale, I stare at the white clouds that escape my mouth. The way they twist and move has always been relaxing to me. Even the sound of the snow crunching beneath my boots, the taste of the cold, bitter air and the way my fingers and cheeks go numb is calming. I often wish that the rest of my body could go numb, but unfortunately the only things that go numb other than my fingers and cheeks are my emotions. Don't get me wrong, I do feel emotions, but sometimes they just... Stop. I know that they're still there, but I don't respond to them. Hell I can barely even speak according to the people around me. I just, go blank. I know when it happens, but like I said before, I don't respond to it. I just go completely brain dead for a few moments, then continue with what I was doing.
It's a pain in the ass.

My thoughts are interrupted with a sudden pressure on my right shoulder. I gasp and quickly turn around, pushing away whatever just approached me. I pray that it isn't him.

"Aye! What the hell Chris?!" Yells a thick accented voice. The voice seems to be coming from below me, so I look down. On the ice sits a blonde haired boy. The second thing I notice about him are his striking freckles spattered across his face, I instantly recognize the boy. It is without a doubt Quinn. I put out my hand to help him up, but as expected, he just gives me a dirty look and gets up on his own. Quinn takes off his beanie and shakes the snow off of it, you can barely tell that it's black along with his jacket. He's covered in a thick layer of snow, I laugh at the sight.

"Sorry," I laugh, "didn't know it was you. But it's your fault for attacking me in such a vicious way."

"Attack," he echoes, "of course." As expected, Quinn seems to have already dropped the fact that I just pushed him off of his feet.

"So, what brings you out here so late at night?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Quinn replies.

I laugh, "I asked first."

"Well," he says as he starts to walk forward, "let's just say that I needed a quick break from home."

I begin to follow him, worry eating at my stomach, "What happened this time?"

Quinn pauses as he looks at the ground. He tugs down his left sleeve. I try to look at his face, but he begins walking again. "Nothing Chris." He replies calmly.

Neither of us speak for a good twenty minutes. The only sounds that joins us on our walk are the sounds of our feet in the snow and the cars driving past us on the road. Every few minutes someone would walk by us, rarely accompanied by a dog. It's not entirely a bad thing that we don't always speak with each other, we've just known each other for so long that just being near each other is enough. He understands me and I understand him, I'm still bothered about earlier though, I can see right through his lies. But I do really appreciate the current silence, it's not very often that I'm just left with my own thoughts without being interrupted, but I can't help but feel uncomfortable everytime someone walks by us. They're judging me. I look awful. They know something about me that I don't. What did I do wrong?

As we approach my house, I give Quinn a friendly slap on the back as a sign of reassurance. "Stay safe buddy." I say, Quinn responds with a grunt. I take out my keys, open the door and step inside my house. The warm air and smell of vanilla welcome me home, it's a nice feeling, but that short moment of euphoria is interrupted when I look into the mirror after taking off my coat and boots.
A boy with dark brown hair, extremely pale skin and grey eyes stares back at me. His eyes seem dead and the dark circles don't help with the look at all. His cheek bones are quite defined as well, but that's only because of his lack of effort to eat. That nose of his is way too big on him and don't even get me started on his scruffy features. He's a complete wreck. I shake my head in disapproval and begin to walk up the stairs. When I reach my room I immediately grab my pills and a glass of water. After taking my pills I flop on my bed and close my eyes, repeating the day over and over again in my head, thinking about what I could have done right and what I did wrong. What if Quinn starts to hate me? He's all I have and I don't want to lose him.