Unimportant Me

Loner ka ba? Sa school? May kaibigan ka ba? May tunay bang nagmamahal sayo? Ung hindi lang lalapit sayo pag may kailangan? Buo ba pamilya mo? Pero feeling mo hindi talaga buo dahil mas inaasikaso pa nila ung trabaho?

Ganun din ba nararamdaman mo?. Well, pareho lang tayo. Ako, yan ang pakiramdam ko. Nakukuha ko nga ang Lahat ng gusto ko pero masaya ba ko? Ang hirap ng ganito. Para lang akong ANINO dito sa mundo.

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"Mom, can you help me to buy some stuffs for my scrapbook?"

She walk towards her mini office. Ignoring what I've said.

"Daddy! Can you accompany me to the mall? I need to buy some school materials. Pretty please?"

He gave me his annoying look.

"Honey, Can't you see? I'm busy. Ask your nanny or driver to accompany you. Or You'll do that by yourself. You're old enough."

As usual eh. Minsan no, scratch that. Palagi. Palagi naiisip ko, anak ba talaga nila Ako? Bat Hindi ko ramdam? I always feel that I'm UNIMPORTANT.

*****

Andito ako ngayon sa classoom namen. Waiting for some miracle este teacher. Bat ba kasi ang tatagal nilangmagsipag pasok? Dapat nga sila nauunang pumapasok sa amin e. Tss! Amboring tuloy. Makapag basa na nga lang.

"Czarina! Tulungan mo nga ako sa assignment natin! Ung sa statistics!"

Napatigil ako sa pagbabasa dahil sa sigaw ng pangalan ko sabay lapit sakin nung number one bully ko. Sigurado magsusunod-sunod na yan ng pag papagawa ng assingments and projects nila sakin.

"Cza, ako rin"

"Ugly nerd! Do my assignment first!"

"Hoy Czarina! Ayusin mo yang isasagot mo ah! Pag yan puro mali na naman. Lagot ka sakin!"

"Ano ba naman yan Czarina! Ang panget mo na nga, ang panget pa ng ginawa mo sa project ko! Gagaya mo pa sa pagmumuka mo! Nakakadiri ka!"

See? Tss!

Ganyan naman sila. Lalapitan ka lang pag may kailangan sila sayo. Pag mali pa ang naisagot mo, pagtitripan ka pa nila. Well, sanay na naman ako. Pero minsan, iniisip ko pano kaya kung labanan ko tong mga to? Ano kayang mangyayari? Wala din siguro. Baka lalo lang nila akong awayin. Hindi ko rin naman kasi kayang makipag away. Maayos pagpapalaki sakin ng mga magulang ko. Ang tinuturing kong magulang.

Kriiiing....

Tapos na pala klase ko, maka uwi na nga lang. Baka pag initan pa ako dito.

Pagdaan ko sa corridor malapit na sa garden, may nakasalubong naman akong feeling sossy.

Mga mukha namang clown sa kapal ng make up. Pati tuloy mukha nila, ang kakapal na rin.

Nilagpasan ko na lang sila. Ayoko nang gulo at ayoko rin makita pagmumukha nila. Naiinis ako! Hindi sa insecure ako sa ganda nila, nainis ako kasi Ang gaganda nga nila pero Ang sasama ng mga ugali nila!

"Hoy Czarinang panget! Lumapit ka nga!"

"Feeling rich yan. Tignan mo ung bag. Chanel pa, sigurado fake yan!"

"Hahahahaha! Ukay-ukay ba? Binili Ni Nanay. Baka nga tinawaran pa yan eh! Hahahahaha"

And they all laugh.

Arrrggggg! I'm pissed off! Nananahimik ako. Di ko sila nilalabanan! Palagi na lang nila akong ginaganito! Pero kapag may mga kailangan minsan akala mong maaamong tupa! Mga PLASTIC!

Pati Mommy ko At bag kong walang kamalay-malay dinadamay nila sa kabaliwan nila! Hindi na pwede to! Sobra na! Tama na!

Lumapit ako sa kanila.

"Excuse me May! Take a glimpse on your small and dirty mirror to see who's ugly between the two of us!"

I took off my glasses and my ponytail to reveal the real beauty in me. Sabi nman ng nakakarami, pag inayos ko daw ang sarili ko, mas maganda pa ko sa kanila eh.

"Chantal and Melody! For your information my Mommy bought this bag in Los Angeles don't you know where it is located? Oh dears, I'm sure the answer is no. You're not been there right? That's why you don't know. Maybe you have your Choach bag you'll see the true color concealing your beautiful bag. Just like your attitudes!"

Sabi ko na nagpanga-nga naman sa lahat ng tao sa labas. Siguro dahil first time nila akong makitang ganon at ako pa lang ang lumaban sa 3 SGs. Alam nyo ung SG? Slender Girls. -_-

Woooh! I'm a long tempered girl. But I knew its my time to fight against them. Fight against Isolation, Discriminations and Shyness.

I sighed. Hindi ko alam kung san ako humugot ng lakas ng loob para sabihin un. Siguro nagsawa na talaga ung utak Kong mag function kung pano sila iintindihin kahit Hindi nman dapat intindihin sa sama ng ugali.

As I turned my back, I heard all of the students around laughing. The other one says, "Boompanessz!" then they laugh hard. As if there's no tomorrow. I don't care anymore. All I can do this time is to cry. I'm not mean like them. This is my first time to burst out my feelings!

Run.. Run... Run...

Before I reach the main gate, someone grabbed my arm and hugged me tight.

I'm stiffed. I can't react. I can't control my tears though I feel comfortable with someone who hugged me.

Maybe I liked him but I know it's wrong. Inappropriate isn't? He had girlfriend and it's Melody. The one I've embarrassed more a while ago.

I thought Carl will scold me. Shout at me. Hit me but he just hugged me tight and said, "You're great Cza! I knew you're pissed that's why you did that. Thanks to you I don't have enough strength to say those words to my gf but you did it. Thanks." and he pulled out from the hug.

I faced him with my teary eyes and I saw him crying too. I runaway, I can't afford to see my love in that state.

As I reach the gate I quickly get a cab. "Manong. Can you drive faster than this?" As fast the taxi could go, it drives. Driven away even if my teacher still calling me to stay at school. I wanna go home. I want to talk to my true best friend. My one and only loyal best friend.

As I stepped in the door, yaya Maring saw me wearing my set of teary eyes. You can see in her eyes that she's worrying about me but I looked at my mom I thought she'll ask me what happened and why am I crying. Instead, she scold me.

"Czarina! What's wrong with you?! Why did you embarrassed your classmates in front of people?! You disappoint me. From now 'til summer comes no gadgets, no shoppings, no books! You're grounded! Go upstairs!" She push me near the stairs. Good thing is she didn't slap me. I know. She's mad but why not listen first to my explanation? Tsssk! So unfair!

Mom, if you only knew what really happened I'm sure you'll do the same.

Grounded? Well its okay. I'm used to it. I'm leaving like a prison here.

*tok tok * someone knocks. I bet, it's yaya

"Ma'am Czarina, paki bukas nman po ung pinto. May cookies po Ako para sayo. Alam kong di kpa kumakain at may problema ka. Pagkayaring kumain, pwede po nating pag usapan yan. Pero pag buksan mo po muna Ako ng pinto nangangawit na po ako dito."

Yaya Maring is the one who can make me smile even my day is ruined. :')

She sat at the edge of my bed and I hug her quickly and tightly -- I know that she already feel and knew my problems so I don't need to explain.

"Ma'am Czarina wag ka na pong umiyak. Alam mo proud ako sayo kasi for the first time in forever , lumaban ka sa mga nambubully sayo. Alam Kong sobra-sobra na ung sakit na binibigay nila sayo kaya sa tingin ko, Hindi na mali ung ginawa mo, kasi pinaglaban mo lang ung sarili mo. Wag mo na lang intindihin ung parusa at sinabi ng mommy't daddy mo. Siguro po sa tingin nila un ung tama at makakabuti para sayo kaya ganun ang desisyon nila.