Growing up (Sabine x Ezra fanfic)

Chapter II

Sabine POV

His screams echo through the com link as the wreckage plunge through the sky, towards the earth. Flames and smoke trailed the smouldering metalwork as it twisted and spiraled towards the ground. I can't comprehend what I just saw, the plume of dust that rose as the remnants of the Y-Wing hit the ground. Quickly, I land near the wreckage, the TIE fighters forgotten. All I can think about is where is Ezra, and I desperately yell in the com link,
"Ezra, come in! Where are you?"

I wait for a response, hoping for anything. And to my relief, there was a low yet audible cry for help. Without a thought for my safety, I rush towards the burning wreckage to find a man, bleeding furiously,  attempting to break the gunner's window as the flames rush inside through the engine compartment. Smoke then floods the inside, as the screams are audible even from the hundred or so meters I am from them.

Rushing forward, I notice that the man above has blue hair, Ezra. I come up next to him and look in, only to see a black, charred man sitting inside with his mouth wide open in a silent plea for the ending of his suffering. Ezra sits down next to me, his eyes going through all he saw in the past few minuets, and the horror the other man must have felt as he realized he could not be saved, and Ezra who knew he could not save a man from a painful and needless death. His eyes turn to mine, red from tears or smoke I could not tell, pleading to do something, to help him.

"It...Nothing could've been done, Ezra. You...He knew what the sacrifice he was making when he signed up for this rebellion. We need to take a look at your wounds, Ezra. You might bleed out."

Without a response, he turns his right flank to me, showing the shrapnel embedded. I grimace at the scene before me, knowing the grotesque procedure that must be done now to save his life. 
He then speaks for the first time,

"I could have saved him, Sabine. I could have...I don't know, something could've been done to save him from this death."

"It wasn't your fault, Ezra. If anyone, you should blame me. I told you to take-"

"No. As a pilot, I made that decision. Advise is advise, but at the end the person who makes the decision should bear the  fault. I made that turn. Not you. Don't blame yourself." He replies, with a quiet yet firm voice of regret and guilt.

I look into his eyes, understanding deep within the recess of his mind. Understanding that should one of us befall the same fate, the other shouldn't blame themselves. Nodding towards his wound, I mumble,

"This is going to hurt..."

"I know. Go ahead."

Strengthening my resolve, I pull the shrapnel out of his side earning me a hoarse scream from Ezra. The blood continues to pool on my hands as I pull the rest of the shrapnel out, as I wonder how I would stop the bleeding. 

"Use...Use the saber, Sabine..." he mumbles, losing consciousnesses quickly. 

My eyes shift to his, wondering if he lost his mind, but remember the magnitude of the problem at hand, and ignite the Dark Saber.

I stare at it, for a brief moment. The single edged shape of the blade in direct contrast with the tube like design found on regular lightsabers. I shift myself towards Ezra, my hand grasping his, while bringing the blade down next to his bloodied side.

The flesh sizzles and chars as the heat burns everything. That I will never forget. The stench, the blood and most of all, the screams.

They rip through the air, tainting my actions to no redemption. Even though I'm doing the right thing, I can't help but feel I'm not. Causing devastating pain to my best friend. I've done this before, to men on the field. Men I've never known, and have no feelings for. I don't realise the tears flowing down my face; the guilt overpowering my emotions.

I've only once felt this way before, during my time at the imperial academy. The abomination I created against my own people, the weapon designed to destroy my people and their history on one swell swoop. I know it's destroyed. I did so myself, but not without destroying my legacy and that of my family. I remember as they gave me that shuttle out of Mandalor. The words they spoke.

Never return

It hurt then, as much as today. Shaking my head, I snap out of the memory. The deed was done, but Ezra had passed out, the pain even too much for the Jedi to bear coupled with the blood loss.

Strangely, I reach and stroke his cheek, his short dark beard rough and scratchy and it was partially grown. I wonder if it would be blue or just a dark mismatch of cobalt and coal. Shaking my head, I stand and dust myself off. Looking around, I can not tell if we have even won the battle until I see a squadron of X-Wings causally proforming stunts, as if they hadn't just killed men and lost friends. The metal gleaming under the arum light, reflecting on the brown and green earth of Yavin-4. I simply cradle Ezra as I watch them pass, stroking his defined and muscular jaw absently mindedly. Sighing, I lean against a rock and bide my time, waiting for him to awake.

Which happens, mere half hour later, with a toss of his head and a low pained moan.

"What...the...am alive?"

Rolling my eyes, I reply,

"No, your dead, I decided to fix your mortal wounds...in the afterlife. No your alive and we need to go back to base."

A smirk spread across his face,  a dimple on his right cheek making him so much more...handsome.
But suddenly it disappears, as the memories come back.

"Antilles...I don't remember much but..."

"Ezra...he didn't make it. I'm sorry."

"Was it quick?"

I meet his eyes, telling him the answer, causing him to choke at the loss of his gunner and close friend. He lets out a sigh and soon his armor is in pieces as his shoulders shake as he weeps silently.

I reach for him and wrap my hands around his body, bringing him close.

"It wasn't your fault, we...you got out Ezra. That's all that matters to me"

"We...everyone who sticks with me dies, Sabine. I can't live with that. It wasn't so bad with fellow soldiers. It was a war. People die. But then Kanan, and now Antilles...maybe...maybe you should leave me Sabine."

"I would never do that to you. Your...your the only reason why I still fight."

"But you would die...because of me. You know how I feel. I can't manage the crushing guilt of Kanan, but if it was your life gone...even Kanan couldn't have saved me from-"

"From?"

His eyes lock on mine, then avert quickly, guilty as if a child stole a fruit.

"From!?" I ask is again, forcefully, wanting to know the truth I already suspect.

"If you already know, why ask?" He questions, reading my mind.

"Because...because I can't lose you, Ezra! You mean too much to me, please!"

He freezes, then blushes bashfully at my own admission. My own cheeks inflame at what I just did, and so I turn my head to the side, in hopes end this conversation.

"Let's...let's head back to base. Their probably worried." Ezra says, something not about the tense struggle between us and the world.