Secrets and Lies

chapter 3: why

I was done running my daily routine and just as I was walking up my street, I see a car, his car, his black Jaguar parked in my driveway. I watch as Aunt May gets in the passenger seat. She's wearing a short golden dress with high golden heels.

I shake my head and sigh. The car starts to pull out of the driveway it turns around and starts driving down the street.

Did he come and pick her up himself or did he send one of the others? I wonder and watch the move towards me and I see him in the drivers seat, that's a firist, I scoff.

As they drive past he looks at me dead in the eyes with a grin on his face and amusement in his eyes with a hint of pitty. Aunt May, however doesn't even glance my way but I know she knows I'm glaring at them.

See, he isn't that bad even though he commits terrible crimes, he does it with good intentions. The only time he actually does do something, it's always done in a 'fair' way. It's a little beating up plus a warning the first time you mess up and it gets worse the more you mess up. He will never hurt anyone purposely, especially not The Fam. He has a kind heart, even though it's small. I know he didn't want Aunt May to do this, but rules are rules.

She didn't have to do it if she hadn't made arrangements for that stupid dinner with the Jackson's and let me do my job. She knew it was important.

They drive away and suddenly it feels like someone is watching me. I look to my right at the house next to me, his house, Andy's house. A light is shining from the furthest window to the left. Andy's room.

I see the faint silhouette of somebody. The person steps back quickly and I don't see who it was. The black curtain drops and after a few seconds the light goes off, but I still feel someone's eyes on me.

I try my best to ignore the feeling and walk back to my house. Once I'm inside I go and try and take a nice, relaxing warm shower and try not to think about the strange person next door.

Could it possibly be Andy, my Andy. He did move back next door, but why not come and talk to me today when his father was here, why not just see me even if it were only a for few seconds?  Why did he only come back now, why did he even leave? Why was he watching me through his curtains? Was he trying to hide from me? Why? Why? Why?!

All the thinking made me angry and me shower was suddenly not as relaxing and instead ice cold.

What did you think, that he would come back rushing into your arms saying he loved you? Well he doesn't! Nobody does! Nobody ever will! You don't even like yourself, so dont expect anyone else to, because no one will. Why do you think he left? Your a screw up, mistake, a waste of time and space, a burden, a murder!  A voice in my head said to me. 

I balled my hands into fists so tight my knuckles turned white and my nails dug into the palm of my hands and it started to slightly bleed. I hated what they all said to me, I hated what I say to mysel, but i know its all true.

I got out of my unpleasant shower and changed in my black hello kitty hoodie and black underwear. I stormed over to my bed and didn't bother eating, I never do, plus Aunt May needs the money more than me. 

I layed in bed and stared at the ceiling. Soon sleep took over me.

***
I am sitting on a small stool by a dressing table. I look into the oval shaped mirror in front of me and I see my eleven-year-old-self, wearing a white nightgown.