It's a day after my 18th birthday and exactly two months after Ethan was hanged.
"How are you feeling honey?" Dad pops his head into my room. I pull the sheets tighter. "Still sick."
"Well I'm going to work so if you want, the medicine is on the counter and there's chicken soup in the microwave."
"Thanks Dad. Take care of your heart."
The transplant was a success and he's recovering faster than ever. But for me it's like a constant reminder of Ethan, a part of him lives in my Dad.
Ever since the transplant Dad acts strange sometimes, he hugs me the way Ethan did, with one hand rubbing up and down my back and the other one around my waist. It scares the fuck out of me but it comes with a hint of comfort.
"Don't worry I'll take care of your boyfriend's heart." Dad smiles.
"Thanks."
He turns to leave but stops at the doorway, his hand resting against the handle. Dad turns to face me. "I love you Addy."
Addy.
My Dad never called me Addy.
"I love you too." I reply, swallowing my tears.
Dad shuts the door and I bury my face in my hands, letting my tears sill over and sobs to wreck my body.
I miss him a lot.
I slide out of the bed and thread into the bathroom, bending over the sink and splashing water over my face.
I open the cupboard and rummage for the pregnancy test.
I figured there was a possibility, my period not coming for two months and the nausea that lingers at the back of my throat and keeps me in the bathroom for 20 minutes, waiting to throw up.
I was scared to test because I don't know how I'm supposed to go on with this.
I pee on it and hold the wand out, waiting for something to happen. And I watch as the test starts to evolve, and becomes positive, a cross to bare.
I swaddle it in toilet paper and stuff it down the trash, I wash my hands and watch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror.
"What do I do now Ethan?" I sigh.
I hear the trees outside stir and rustle, and a cold gust of wind blows through the window.
I know he's here.
My heart picks up speed as I feel a slight pressure against my lower abdomen, I look up in the mirror and I see him. I see Ethan. He's hugging me from behind, his arms wrapped around my waist and his hands resting against the plane of my belly. I can feel his warmth.
I glance around, there's no one here. But I can see him in the mirror, crystal clear. I let myself feast on his features, those I haven't seen in months, the curve of his nose and the slope of his jaw.
"I miss you." I bite my lip and hold back my tears, stifling a sob.
I miss you too. His voice fills my ear.
"I don't know what to do now," I feel the pressure against my belly shift a little.
Just relax and let nature take its course. I'll be with you, making sure everything turns out right.
"Don't leave me yet."
I've never left you.
"I love you Ethan."
"I love you too, Addy.
THE END
