You can reread this countless times and try to look at it differently, but it will be written the same each time. Face it, I'm dead and I am not coming back. I'm sorry for how painful this is on you. But I can't handle pain of my own. I've tried so hard to be strong but I couldn't do it. This was my ending. And in my story, there is no resolution at the end, I've ended at the climax. I have destroyed the original story plan.
I don't think I've ever been in control of my own life. My path was chosen by either my sadness or others. Not a lot of my choices have been wise. If I had chosen to ask for help, I doubt it would've accomplished anything. I tried reaching out for help from "friends" but they never were good friends, they never even cared. Maybe now they'll finally be sympathetic or they'll proceed to be just as awful.
Please don't dare say that I had so many friends because you would just be a liar. I didn't have plenty of friends, although you'd like think that. I had a few friends, I suppose. But they didn't try hard enough to save me! I was an unfixable mess and nobody even tried to help me!
What was the point of living if I was sad all the time? Sometimes I was good at hiding my pain, but other times, I couldn't handle faking it. I always made goals to postpone my suicide plan for a bit longer, despite how unrealistic most of them were. I did want to be an author, but it's too late now. I was never good at anything.
Nobody noticed that I was tormented everyday. Whether it was all the people who hated me, or my "friends," or even myself. My negativity put me down the most, but all that negativity was because of the other torment I had received.
I was tired of living a life I shouldn't have gotten to live in the first place. I wasn't destined for anything great. I hated myself. I've always hated myself. Cutting wasn't stopping the pain anymore so I gave up. I burned myself but that still wasn't enough. I tried to drown myself but at the time I couldn't do it. But now I'm gone. I don't need to suffer anymore. I don't need to hate myself anymore. I was unloved. I felt unloved, worthless and naïve. I just couldn't hold on any longer.
There has been so much pain in my life I didn't like to talk about. For the past 3 years, I wished I was dead. The pain was unbearable. The people that said they'd never leave me just kind of left. I was tired of feeling so alone. The days where I actually needed people, they weren't there. They left me to cry by myself and it hurt so bad. They pushed me further. They made me believe that nobody gave a shit about me.
The hardest prison to escape, doesn't have locks, and I just found my key.
