Fen'Harel Enansal

Finding Home - Part 1

Standing on the edge of a large hill overlooking the valley, dark green eyes gazed knowingly into dark, pregnant skies promising heavy rain. She turned her face into the oncoming gust of wind blowing her dark fire red hair around her. Lifting her arms out from her body, she welcomed the inbound storm that reflected her own inner chaos. Finally wrapping her arms around herself, she turned from the view of the valley and walked slowly from the fairy mound where her nanna had planted lavender and heather around in tribute to the Fae. Her lips lifted slightly at the corner when she saw the small amount of oats sitting within a fluorite bowl on a flat rock bench covered by a large slate mushroom off to the side of the mound as she walked away slowly swiping at another escaped tear.

Caille walked the grounds of her newly inherited home in Castlecaulfield, Ireland staring at the small white cobblestone cottage with its bright green door, high thatched roof. The windows included shutters that could be closed from the inside on cold nights in the same bright green color as the door. The entire yard was encased in a stone-made fence that included a matching bright green gate. Caille stopped next to the large flowerbed next to the front door that held a riotous blend of Heather, roses, lilies, daisies, gerberas, and daffodils with different garden steps and multi-colored gazing balls. Brushing her hands over the tops of the heather she kept walking around the side of the house. Off to the left was the garage that now housed her jeep, leaving the old SUV that belonged to her nanna off to the side of the outer building. She let her eyes glide to the left of the garage to look at the barn. Her nanna had taken great care to maintain that building since she had a painting studio out there. She knew that there were lights, and it was the only building that had gas heat unlike the house that still had a peat moss fireplace in the living and the two upstairs bedrooms.

From this distance gazing at what was once her Grandparents home, she closed her eyes tightly wishing they were still here. In her mind's eye, she could still see her nanna outside with her New York Mets baseball cap covering curly silver hair that she would pull through the back. Baggy patched up jeans, one of grandfather's old flannels over a tee shirt, and zebra-striped Wellies on her feet as she puttered in her garden. Taking a deep breath, she shoved her hands into her pockets and slowly walked to the back door off the kitchen. Standing in the open doorway she could still smell her nanna's chamomile and orange blossom tea in the air. Slowly closing the door behind her and hearing a soft click bringing the room into a sharper focus. She could see the paperwork on the counter that held the Will, the Deed to the property and a letter with complete instructions of where everything was and how she could access it all.

Rubbing a shaking hand over her face her mind screamed I don't want any of this while she grabbed the papers from the counter and walked to the sitting room to flop down on her favorite overstuffed chair. For all her years in the Military, all the medals, all the awful missions, her transition to government work, nothing could have prepared her for losing her nanna the way she had. Pinching the bridge of her nose, clenching her eyes tightly she took a deep breath and finally opened the letter her nanna had left her.

Mo chailín leanbh,

If you are reading this then get up and pour yourself some of my good Scotch and continue reading I have some things I need to say.

Caille laid the letter down with shaky fingers and a soggy hiccup, she stood and walked to the side bar pulling out the unopened bottle of Laphroaig. Opening the bottle, and leaving the cap on the table she walked back to the overstuffed chair and took a deep pull from the bottle feeling the warmth spread through her numb, cold limbs. Setting the bottle next to her feet she picked the letter back up and continued.

I know you're sitting in our favorite chair, with my bottle of the good stuff on the floor wondering what the hell happened, yes? Well darling, I have had cancer for five years. After watching your seanathair go through all the treatments, I chose not to. I also chose not to tell you as well. I know you are probably angry at me right now for that one yet I stand strong with my decision. I did not want to watch you worry about me when you have so many other things to worry about, and I didn't want you to see me waste away like he did.

I need to be next to your seanathair on the hill behind the house, and I expect you to throw a party for me at Flannery's Pub after the service. Make sure that Father Michael doesn't drink too much and Sally sings. I know that the last thing you want to read is everything that you have inherited, so I placed that information in a letter with my Will when you're ready to read all that.

Know that I love you darling, and I am happy to finally be with you seanathair. Be strong for us, and try not to drink the whole bottle this evening my sweet girl.

Love,

Nanna

Caille dropped the letter and wiped at the tears that had silently slid down her face. Grabbing the bottle from the floor again she took another deep pull from it and stood leaving the paperwork where it fell onto the floor. Taking the bottle, she climbed the stairs to start a bath and hopefully drink to the point of passing out.