The Rusty Old Minivan

Chapter 16

The phone rang around ten pm. Neither picked up. Again fifteen minutes later. Neither picked up. Half past, it rang a third time.

Slowly, Louis began to ease himself out of the position he'd been in for the past many hours. Harry made a nervous sound as soon as Louis moved.

"Have to pick up," Louis whispered, smoothing some stray curls back from his forehead and kissing it, "could be the kids."

He and Harry hadn't been sleeping, hadn't even been trying to, but they hadn't spoken either, and Louis' voice felt rusty when he picked up the phone.

"Hiya, babe." It was Lottie. Her voice sounded calm, but still just as cheerless as Louis felt. "Just wanted to check that you were all right," she said, "wait, hold on..." A second of muffled yelling and then a sighed; "Fizzie wants to know whether she can eat your left-over dinner."

"Yeah yeah," Louis squeezed at the bridge of his nose. He didn't have a head-ache. He had a full-body ache. It didn't feel physical. "Yeah, of course she can. You all right, Lots? You've been a little..."

It took a deep, steadying breath before she answered with an earnest "yeah, I have" that hit Louis right in the chest. "I've been a little... But I'll be okay. How's Harry? You're at his place, right?"

"Yeah."

"You guys all right?"

Louis glanced over at where Harry was lying on the mattress, dressed in nothing but his pale blue duvet, eyes red and lips sore, watching Louis talk. He looked painfully awake for someone who hadn't slept in days. Painfully beautiful, still.

"We're... a little."

Lottie gave a soft chuckle. "Yeah. Suppose everyone's a little... But hey, if everyone is, then no one really is? Isn't that something to say?"

"Yeah," Louis smiled down at the loosened piece of mattress-foam he was ripping apart for no reason, "yeah, that's something to say."

Harry shifted a little, tugging his duvet up to under his chin so his feet stuck out at the end of it. Louis reached over, wrapping his free hand around his cold toes to warm them.

"Would you guys be all right if I spend the night at Harry's?" he asked then, "I'll be home before you leave for school tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, it's fine, Lou. I might take the day off school tomorrow anyway. Feeling a little... still."

"Okay. Yeah, okay, I guess that's all right. If you're feeling a little..."

"I am. Well... See you tomorrow, bro."

"See you. Say goodnight to the others from me."

"I will. Say hi to Harry. We love you."

"Love you too."

He dragged a hand through his hair as he let the phone slide down onto the mattress. Gazed around the flat. He'd ripped it apart, then put it back together and ripped it apart again. It'd been all the same. In the end, after hours of pointless searching, he'd had to admit defeat and had deflated on the mattress with Harry, curling into a ball. There'd been nothing left to say. Nothing that could drown out the thunder of thoughts, of fears, that roared in Louis' head. Nothing that could make it feel less like his entire body was being tied up from the insides, ropes snaking around his intestines and tightening till he couldn't fucking breathe.

So they'd lied there, on a mattress in an empty flat, communicating in the only way they could right then.

It hadn't really been lust. It hadn't really been heat. It'd been distraction and connection at the same time. Harry had taken him, mouths meeting sloppily and not leaving until they were both so spent and fucked-out that they couldn't see straight. Harry had come in him, stayed in him and chanted apologies into his neck until Louis had to kick and bite to make him stop.