State Of Ruin

O N E

"Amina, come back here! Stop running! Amina!!" I kept running and running. I knew that if I had stopped, ummi(mother) would spank me. I would never wanted that.

I knew ummi was furious because I had played with dirt. She told me a million times that it was not girls' playground but I always watch Ahmad and Hameed play there happily. It seemed like so much fun and lively.

I scurried across the humongous living hall towards abbi(father) who had just returned from his morning jog with his friend.

"Abbi! Abbi, help me! Ummi is mad at me,abbi! Abbi!!" I ran and stumbled on the green grass as abbi helped me up and wiped the dirt away from my little red polka dotted gown.

Ummi arrived not long after and hurried towards us. I quickly hid behind abbi.

"Just where do you think you're going, Amina?! I have told you so many times! Why can't you listen to me?! You are grounded! Do you hear me?! Grounded!!" ummi shouted angrily at me. I closed my eyes while holding abbi's hand. I couldn't say a word. I knew that it was my fault.

"Saheera, don't ground her. She is just a child. She makes mistakes. Forgive her. She would never repeat it again. Right, Amina?" abbi asked while looking at me. I nodded hoping that ummi would let me go. Abbi had always been there for me everytime I needed his back up.

"Ameer, don't do this. You do this everytime. As if to say that what I did was wrong. Like I didn't do it out of love and concern." ummi lowered down her voice and stared into abbi's eyes. I couldn't say a word. I didn't want them to get into a fight because of me.

Abbi looked at me and told me to get inside the house. My personal nanny, Misaa, took me inside the house to my room and helped me clean myself. She searched for ummi's favourite dress and made me wear them. Usually I disobeyed her but this time I knew that ummi was really upset so, I had to make it up to her.

It was a baby blue dress covered with white beads and my hair was completely neat for the first time as Misaa braided them neatly. She walked with me towards the dining hall when I heard a faint whimpering sound. As I continued walking the sound became more audible.

"Am I not a good mother, Ameer? Why doesn't she listen to me? She only listens to you. I'm always the bad guy to her. Is it so bad that I want her to behave like a proper girl? What do I have to do Ammer, to get her to listen to me? Am I a bad example to her? Am I not good enough to be her mother?" ummi asked abbi as I continued on eavesdropping. I felt hurt to hear ummi cry because of me.

I knew that I had a thick skull and even my mother couldn't get through it but I didn't expect it to hurt her this much. I put my ears closer against the door, hoping that I could listen to more conversation.

"Saheera dear, don't say that. She loves you just as much as she loves me. You are not the bad guy here. Neither of us are. Don't put the blame on yourself. Amina loves you. She's our only daughter and she's so precious and vulnerable that you would want to keep her in a safe and lock her there. But she needs to live her life, Saheera. She'll understand you when she gets older, dear." abbi comforted ummi and I knew that ummi felt better.

I was about to leave when I heard ummi say, "I just don't want to lose her like I lost.." I couldn't hear her as my arm was pulled away from the door. I tried to fight my way from the strong grip silently but I couldn't. I couldn't possibly fight an adult. I turned and saw Misaa.

"Don't do that Amina. I thought you wanted to make it up to ummi, don't you? Don't you think she'll be even more upset to know that you were eavesdropping?" Misaa asked me gently though her hands held my arms firmly. I nodded slowly.

She was right. I'll make ummi upset again and that's the last thing I wanted to do. So I continued walking towards the dining hall and saw Ahmad and Hameed sitting at the dining table, patiently waiting for the rest of us to arrive.

"Ahmad, Hameed!" I was elated to see them and before I could scurry towards them, Misaa held me back. She shook her head and I pouted my lips. I knew that I had to listen to her because I needed to make it up to ummi. I sauntered towards the dining table and sat opposite Ahmad.

"Somebody is very obedient tonight. What have you done this time Amina? Is ummi upset again?" Hameed teased me and they both laughed their hearts' out. I threw daggers at them with my glares hoping that they would stop. Misaa came to my rescue and told them to cut it out.

The butler opened the door for ummi and abbi and they came straight to the dining table. Ummi sat next to me while abbi sat at the end of the dining table. There was utter silence during the dinner between me and ummi and I just couldn't stand it.

I turned towards ummi and as I was about to say how sorry I was, ummi said, "Amina, you're not grounded but I would like to speak to you personally after the dinner." ummi said while looking straight into abbi's eyes, telling him not to interfere.

I knew that something was going to happen. Ummi is going to spank me. I'm dead meat this time.