State Of Ruin

T W O

I walked hand in hand with ummi towards my room. There was dead silence between us. I'm sure ummi would only do the right thing now more than ever because I've hurt her to the point she cried. I had to embrace and accept the consequences that had led me to this ugly situation.

When we reached my room, ummi opened the door and told Misaa to stay outside. Misaa nodded and stayed at the door. I glanced at Misaa asking for salvation through my eyes but Misaa only gave me a reassuring smile. I know now that there's no running away.

I sat on my bed and ummi followed me by sitting next to me. The silence was killing me.

"Ummi, I'm sorry for not behaving properly like I should. I know that it was my fault. It was always my fault. I hurt you, ummi. I'm sorry. I love you so much ummi but I had no one to play with, so I wanted to join Ahmad and Hameed play. I shouldn't have, ummi. I know that now. It just gets so lonely around the house. I'm sorry, ummi. I know I deserve to be punished." I apologized to ummi without  looking at her face. I was expecting a slap or a spank.

Suddenly, ummi pulled me closer and put me onto her lap. She hugged me tight, "I love you too much Amina. I only want what's best for you. You are my precious, dear and you are my only daughter. I couldn't let anything happen to you, Amina. Onle He knows how much you mean to me. I know it has been very lonely for you being the only girl in the house. I'm sorry that I'm always busy with things other than you, Amina. That one is on me. I promise to be around you more dear." ummi confessed to me as tears trickled down her cheeks.

I looked up to her face and hugged her tight. I kissed her cheeks and promised that I'll be a better daughter and behave better. She hugged me tight and happiness seeped through my veins as ummi kissed my forehead. She tucked me in and lied down with me.

×××

I woke up and it was already 7 o'clock in the morning. I had missed my fajr prayer again. I hurried to the bathroom and took my wudhu'. I quickly prepared myself for my fajr and taubah prayer. I felt so sinful for leaving my fajr prayer so I had to seek forgiveness from Allah.

I performed my prayers and got up to clean myself. When I got into the bathroom, as I was changing from my pajamas, I saw blood and I screamed as I felt like my heart was about to stop. Ummi and Misaa rushed to my rescue and when they opened the bathroom door, they only smiled and ummi told Misaa to help me clean myself.

"You're a big girl now, Amina. You must wear your headscarf from now on. I can't believe that you've already grown so much since the last ten years. You were just a baby back then." ummi said to me while tears welled up in her eyes. She wiped away those tears and prepared a navy blue headscarf which matches my school uniform.

When I was done bathing, Misaa helped me wear my headscarf and in an instance I fell in love with it. Wearing headscarf. I smiled from ear to ear while I staggered towards the dining hall. I opened the door and saw Ahmad and Hameed got the shock of their lives. I smirked at them and sat next to ummi for breakfast.

When we were done with breakfast, the chauffeur sent us to school. And on the way there, Ahmad and Hameed couldn't stop staring at me.

"What? If you like it so much, why don't you try it on yourself. Stop staring at me like I look grotesque!" Ahmad and Hameed only smiled and pinched my arms.

"You look better this way. At least nobody will see your hideous lion's nest hair." they laughed at me and I threw them a sharp glare, sharp enough it could kill but they continued laughing at me. I thought that it was the end.

×××

"Amina, you look pretty in the new headscarf..." many girls praised me. My flawless fair skin and hazelnut coloured eyes became an instant attraction as my hair had been fully covered. I managed to smile and some boys looked at me and winked.

"She is the most monstrous thing I had ever seen in my whole life. This, you call beautiful? You must be pretty blind or something must have knocked you in the head." Ali mocked and laughed at me along with his friends. I knew that he was lying. I hoped he was. I tried to maintain my composure and left the immature boys.

He had a very huge influence on  everyone that no one else praised me or even mentioned about my headscarf or how I looked in it after what he said. I'm starting to hate him. Astaghfirullah, why does human beings like this exist?

I decided to get it off of my mind but the hatred and hurt that I felt never faded away. I made sure that I made a mental note to myself that I'll never ever encounter him. Ever. I hate him. Or at least, I hate what he did to me.

×××

I survived my highschool years though he was my classmate. I decided to ignore him totally and I succeeded. I finished highschool happily without encountering him. I would always walked the other way and turned away when I saw him. I just couldn't look at him cause the pain will resurfaced and I'll feel upset. All over again.

"Amina, where are you going? The chauffeur is here. Amina!" Ahmad yelled at me. I turned to him,"I left my book. I'll be back in a minute. Wait for me, Ahmad. Sorry." I saw him shook his head in disbelief. He told me to hurry and went inside the car.

I was half walking half running and I didn't notice where I was going as my mind went elsewhere. Suddenly, I stumbled upon someone at the last corner towards my classroom. I fell onto the floor and I saw books scattered on the floor.

I helped him picked up the books,"I'm sorry. It was my fault. I didn't see where I was going. I'm so sorry." I apologized and looked up to see Ali holding the books. My face immediately turned red with anger. Why must I stumble upon him?!