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Chapter 3
I wasn't going to cry. No, not this time. Did I want to look behind me? I had too, I could feel her faint pants on my bare back, she was crying. I slowly turned around, what did I do to my best friend? She was almost bawling, trying to make sure I was the only one who could see her. I saw the sadness in her eyes, I could tell this was the worse moment she's ever had, she wasn't going to get over it for a long time. She just gave me this stare, she wasn't mad, but I was mad at myself. I couldn't look at her anymore, I started to stiffly shift my body forward. What have I done? We should've never signed up, Doniree was right, we'd just feel like last time, except worse.
*Ding, Ding, Ding*
The bell went off and school was finally over. I was so happy it was Friday, it would give me a weekend to get over the contest, but it would take way longer than just a weekend to get over it. I sat there until everyone was gone, but Doniree didn't leave yet and everyone was gone, so it was Doniree, the teacher, and me. I started bawling right there, but silently and I had to leave. I jumped out of my seat and sprinted out the door, I slowed down my pace in the hallways to my locker and kept my eyes glued to the floor. But I wasn't hiding well enough, people could tell there was something wrong and I could feel their eyes on me. When I got to my locker I looked up, but only for a second and everyone around me was staring and whispering to each other, I could hear giggles from all around, and guy's harsh laughs. This was perfect, a great way to start off the year, and on Monday, it would be the same. People would just gossip, throw a couple rumours in there too. "I heard she went to the office and started screaming at everyone in there" or "Apparently as soon as she ran out the front doors, she hurled all over some dude." But I didn't really care, I probably should have, every normal teenager would, but I kind of hated the world right now and everyone in it.
I finally got home, which I had to walk because my mom was working. The 20 minutes that it took to walk there felt like 2 hours. I ran to my room and looked in the mirror. Oh. My. God. I looked terrible, there was mascara running all the way down to my chin and my face was so red. I went to the bathroom downstairs and had a bath, I washed all my make-up and everything. I was in there for about an hour and I got a towel, wrapped it around my body. I went to my room again and sat at the edge of my bed. I looked up, and just stared at all the One Direction posters that covered every inch of my room. Why couldn't I just get over this? Get over them? I liked them for too long now and it was time to face reality that I couldn't ever have the dream of marrying any of them. Not just because 3 of them had girlfriends, but because it didn't make sense for me, to be with one of them. I wasn't ugly, fat either, actually I was fairly skinny and i didn't think my looks were bad. But I was a regular person, who went to a regular school, with regular friends and family, and a regular life. One Direction had an exciting life, with millions of girls after them. My sadness was now replaced with rage and anger, I hopped up and started scraming at my posters and ripping them down. There were so many, and I thought taking them down would take way longer than it actually did, since my room was fairly large. I started bawling again and ran on all of my ripped posters that covered the floor, and jumped on my bed, burried my face in a pillow and just screamed. Not out of anger or sadness anymore, but out of lost hope. Everything I ever wanted or was stuck in my brain 95% of the time, the reason I was doing bad in school. Was now all just lost hope. I felt like I was giving up a huge part in my life, but I had too, I was sick of just dreaming. It was time for me to find a normal guy, with a normal life, a normal job, and a normal relationship. I was hard forcing yourself to forget something you loved for so long. But I had to do it.
I finally got up and started picking up the paper that coverved my floor, I took them all downstairs, put them in a garbage bag, and beside the garbage cans out by the drive-way, since it was garbage day tomorrow and they would all be gone. I ran back inside, considering I was in a towel. I went back to my room, into my bed, into the covers, closed my eyes, and thought about normal guys at school, it was time to get my life back on track and find a boyfriend. A realistic one. I finally drifted off.. and dreamt about boys, 5 boys, a British/Irish band, they were all so beautiful. One Direction. This getting over them thing, was going to take a while.
