Broken

All I want is to be happy again and take back the one mistake that I regret more than anything in the world. I broke up with the love of my life because I felt like I was useless and couldn't do anything right. That's a really good reason to break up with someone right? Yes but I never told him that it bugged me. I never told him how I truly felt about him because I loved this guy more than I could ever explain. The day that I broke up with him October 3rd around noon, I cried my eyes out and I can't even explain the pain in my chest at that moment. But I never let him see me like that. I didn't cry until I went back in the house and watched him pull out of the drive way in his truck. I remember seeing how upset and disgusted he was with the whole thing because I knew he wouldn't understand. This day still haunts me a lot. I remember how weak I felt that day. I needed time to be me for a while but at that same time I let my self fall into a hole of depression and I was really lost... I let myself get taken advantage of by a guy who drugged me once and probably could have killed me from a almost overdose one night. I eventually broke up with him, once I finally realized what was happening. Mason was right guys are slobs. I told my self again that I didn't want to get into another relationship with anyone else and I didn't until I started talking to a old friend from brigade. I thought I really liked this guy but he really doesn't think before he talks or does something. He doesnt understand what it means when I say I just want to be alone, or when I say not tonight or no. Why can't I find someone like Mason who actually cared enough to understand what I actually mean when I say something or when I say that I'm in pain not to hurt me more. I dont think this relationship is going to last because I am so broken that no one will truly understand everything that I have been though besides my 2 best friends at this point. All I want is to feel loved for who I truly am and to be happy again.