Faithfully Yours

chapter 9

Kate worked hard at her new job. She was lucky to find one similar to what she was doing back home. Clerical work does not pay well but at least she has something to do while in the states and to pay for her apartment.

Lucas however, was against it. He doesn't want her working and having her own place. He wanted her to move in with him. Her cousin had explained to her the cultural differences, that living with a boyfriend was alright and that no one would raise an eye if she would do so. 

But she was against it, as it made her feel less about herself. She had promised to give herself to the guy she would marry and she had already broken that promise. And moving in with him meant breaking all the rules that she had set for herself. 

He had given her the key to his home. She told Michelle about it and her cousin enumerated all the different connotations it may gave including that he was serious about her. But as it happened she does not know where she stood with him. 

He is very passionate when it comes to just the two of them. He is very generous with his gifts. Her cousin who has a twisted mind gave her a list of all the elite jewelers in the US so she can have her pick. But it was not what she wanted. She wanted a commitment from him. 

She wanted to know where the relationship would go but she doesn't know where to start. And she doesn't want to whine about it. 

Her insecurities about their relationship only grew when he asked again to live with him. She wanted more. She wanted a lifetime commitment. A commitment to stick together through thick and thin. She wanted a man who will stay true amidst her flaws and imperfections. A man who will not dump her when someone better comes along. Hollywood's kind of commitment will not do.

But what if that was the only one she would get from him? Should she take the risk? Should she live with the idea that said, "it's better to have love and lost than not to have love at all?" 

Unwillingly she caught a glimpse of his life before her. His housekeeper had very well informed her when she stumbled upon her one morning. She woke up late that day and was feeling hungry. She walked to the kitchen wearing only a very skimpy Victoria's secret nightie when she stumbled upon her in the kitchen. 

It was the first time that she saw her. Nana wasn't with them that week. She was in Malibu to supervise the renovation there. 

"Good morning. You must be Kate, what would you like for breakfast?" she asked. The new housekeeper was still young and very bubbly. She knew her way around the kitchen so she must be not so new after all. 

"What have you prepared? I'll just have those," she replied. She didn't want to impose on his housekeepers. She wanted them to treat her as a friend and not someone above them. And besides, she didn't own the place although she has the key to his home.

"I have rice, egg, and a Chorizo," she replied. "Lucas specifically said to cook these," she said as she put the dish for her. 

"Thank you," she said. She ate quietly while checking her phone for new messages and emails from work. She was sipping her coffee when the housekeeper muttered something to her. She looked at her, raising her brow as a query for what she was talking about. 

The housekeeper pointed at her Cartier sapphire and diamond line bracelet. "Wow...he also gave you those? Those are really very pretty," she said. Then she went on to say that his employer had also given that same bracelet to his girlfriend before. 

Her heart sank. When Lucas gave her the bracelet he told her, that the sapphire bracelet will be a way of making her remember him always. He knew that she loved his eyes. 

"She was also very beautiful just like you," she said. She hasn't heard what else she was talking about. But that line caught her attention. 

"So, how many women has he given this bracelet to?" She asked jokingly to mask her feelings. She knew that she shouldn't be asking about him with his housekeeper and she shouldn't be asking that stupid question. But she was dying to know what she meant to him after all these months of being with him. 

"The girls I've seen him with have plenty of jewelry with them," she shrugged her shoulders. "But that one caught my attention, that is very pretty," she said looking at her arm. 

"His heart was broken when she left for another guy you know. But that was a long time ago." She said uncaringly if her words can hurt her or not. 

"I heard them fight. Then he got drunk one night. He smashed all the wine glasses at the bar. I heard him swearing and he said something like he would never trust a woman or get married to one," the housekeeper said never minding that her words had cut a knife through her. Her heart bled. The room suddenly felt chilly as she continued to sip her coffee. 

"Oh...I'm sorry," she said after she took one look at her. Her emotions must have shown on her face. 

She left his home after that. She stayed in her apartment and pretended to be busy when he called her. She can't face him yet. Her emotions had gone awry and she can't pretend that she wasn't hurt by his declaration that he won't ever get married. She knew then, that was the reason why he would just prefer to let her move in with him.

He just wanted her to be with him with nothing to tie him down, not even a child as it was the first thing that he talked about with her, to be safe and to be on the pill. But what does living with him entail? What will be her role once she would do that? She is not his wife. Would she get to accompany him to his business commitments, in his corporate affairs? He hadn't mentioned even once of letting her meet his family. Would she just be his secret mistress? 

She let herself cry the whole day and gave in to her pity party. Then she buried herself at work. She still felt numbed with all the thoughts and emotions going through her. She might be overthinking things but she was hurting. 

She was still emotionally drained when he asked her to go to his place. He had called her several times and she made a lot of excuses not to visit him. She still doesn't have the courage to face him and to pretend that she knew nothing about how he felt about relationships. And how it affects her.